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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

new man?

24 replies

Flute56 · 25/05/2019 21:29

i have just met this guy at an evening class. We talk and have a laugh. I would quite like to be friends outside of the class and see where it goes. I am not sure if he likes me. We flirt a bit but I am no good with these kind of situations. This happened with someone else a few years ago and I made the mistake of thinking they fancied me because they asked me out. Nothing happened but then I thought I would tell them I fancied them and the response was thank you I am flattered but I am not looking for a relationship with you. I felt so humiliated I never saw them again. I asked them why they invited me out and they said just as a friend.

OP posts:
Rockinmomma · 25/05/2019 21:30

Just ask next class if he has time for a coffee after?

tootruetoyou · 25/05/2019 21:32

Yes just casually drop in going somewhere/doing something after class. No need to expose your feelings at this point.

Original poster
Flute56 · 25/05/2019 21:53

the only thing we do is go home after class because the class ends late at about 9.30 and I have a long journey home. I usually get home at about 11pm

OP posts:
tootruetoyou · 25/05/2019 22:34

Could you maybe suggest arriving early and having a coffee before the class? That's even less exposing because it has a built in ending ie class starting.

Original poster
Flute56 · 25/05/2019 22:53

not really. I go from work and its not possible to get there early. I will just see how it goes thanks

OP posts:
CatAndHisKit · 26/05/2019 00:25

well the thing is, would you even find time to date him? If you are free at w/ends only, maybe suggdoing something at the weekend that interests you both or to do with the subject you are learning.

CatAndHisKit · 26/05/2019 00:26

*suggest doing (and I meant rather than asking him out just for a drink which would sound like a date invite).

Original poster
Flute56 · 26/05/2019 00:37

yes ok . I am not used to dating. I lived with someone for 13 years and so a bit out of touch.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flute56 · 07/06/2019 11:07

Is anyone still following this thread as I have an update.

OP posts:
Tartyflette · 07/06/2019 11:09

Yes, please do post the update. Smile

Hotpinkangel19 · 07/06/2019 11:26

What is the update op?

Original poster
Flute56 · 07/06/2019 12:34

this is my third attempt as having connection issues

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 07/06/2019 12:41

Well I'm following it now!
Grin

ohhahhh789 · 07/06/2019 12:50

Waiting patiently 😀

Original poster
Flute56 · 07/06/2019 12:51

new man no longer friendly. He blows hot and cold. We were going to a public dance party and he seemed interested so I thought he was going with someone else from our evening class as well as me but last night he said he was unable to go. Never said sorry or anything or that he would see when the next one was so we could go to that one. Maybe he flt pressurised when I asked if he was going like I was trying to trap him which was not the case. Maybe he is shy

OP posts:
Original poster
Flute56 · 07/06/2019 13:30

I am beginning to think there is something wrong with me that he has gone off me because I am boring and not friendly which I do not think is the case.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flute56 · 07/06/2019 13:41

I also said I was not able to come to the evening class next week and he said well this is the sort of class where you do not have to attend every week you can just come and go as and when. That made me feel and think that it mattered not a bit whether I was there or not

OP posts:
SheepOnRafts · 07/06/2019 14:35

There’s nothing wrong with you. Blowing hot and cold is not a good sign. You’ll meet someone who is nice and doesn’t do that.

Original poster
Flute56 · 07/06/2019 22:17

To be honest I am past caring.

OP posts:
FuriousVexation · 07/06/2019 23:19

Are you OK Flute? You sound really down Flowers

2 scenarios:

  1. You're not ready for dating again yet. 13 years is a long fucking time to be in a relationship. I was in my marriage for 7 years and didn't even think about dating til at least 3 years later. I was in my last LTR for 4 years and I'm determined I will never have another one so help me god.
  1. You're trying to make romantic attachments which guys that are actually just looking for friendship (or possibly casual sex). If you're serious about dating, get on OLD and start going on dates. Get savvy friends to review your profile. Use flattering but accurate photos. Emphasize your physical attributes as well as your social/emotional ones. If you're attracted to kink, get thee to a munch!
Original poster
Flute56 · 07/06/2019 23:40

I am fine and my 13 year relationship ended quite a few years ago. Maybe these blokes only wanted friendship but they are not even showing me any friendship either. I am not bothered what they want but they have to be consistent and polite with it

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 07/06/2019 23:46

Just be friendly and be yourself and if they’re interested they’ll ask you out. The hard part is getting yourself into places/situations where there are single men about!

Bluerussian · 08/06/2019 00:04

As they get older, blokes are notoriously insecure and back off easily.
Just be your usual, quite friendly, self when you go to class and don't suggest going out together again. He'll probably begin to wonder if he'd imagined you were wanting more. You don't know what experiences he has had in the past but definitely cool it and treat him as you would anyone else.

Hope you'll meet someone else!

Flowers
Original poster
Flute56 · 08/06/2019 03:21

yes ok thanks

OP posts:
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