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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Friends and FOMO

21 replies

feathermucker · 25/05/2019 17:29

I know this sounds ridiculous to some, but it's my biggest issue. I get anxious and sometimes upset when I'm not invited to stuff. I've been a little over the top with one of my friends lately and she's gone a bit distant with me. I know I can't be invited to everything, I just need advice on how to deal with this.
I see it as a reflection on me rather than anything else. Sorry

OP posts:

Justathinslice · 25/05/2019 17:31

If you've gone over the top, apologise and then give her space

category12 · 25/05/2019 17:32

How over the top?

mollibu · 25/05/2019 17:34

How over the top, OP? Maybe apologise and talk it out with her. X

ritchiebaby · 25/05/2019 17:35

Not an expert by any means , but (you knew it was coming) why not invite folks to yours ? send invite with some dates and then set it for which ever day lists most Have fun!

sonjadog · 25/05/2019 17:35

I think you start off my apologizing to her and not letting it happen again. That might not be enough to win her trust as if it has been going on a long time, she might be too fed up to give you another chance.

How you stop doing it is harder to say. You need to understand that it is entirely your issue to deal with and not make her responsible in any way. When you feel you are getting upset, you need to deal with it without her.

Original poster

feathermucker · 25/05/2019 17:35

Nothing horrendous, just checking on her and if she's ok. But too much for her. I have a habit of reassurance seeking because of my OCD. I HATE it and it is something I'm working on as hard as I can.

Apologising would not go down well. I apologise too much even when I haven't done anything wrong. I know my fruends find me hard wirk sometimes.

It's like if I had a broken leg, people would help me with stuff but because it's mental health, it's hard for them to know what to do and say.

Feel pretty crap about the way I am.

OP posts:

NameChangeNugget · 25/05/2019 17:36

What is FOMO?

pikapikachu · 25/05/2019 17:36

Fear Of Missing Out

mollibu · 25/05/2019 17:38

Would you consider counselling for this? It doesn't work for everyone but you won't know until you try.

Original poster

feathermucker · 25/05/2019 17:38

We've talked it out before. That's not to say I've done hurtful stuff, just seeking reassurance and checking on her and others. I don't cope very well if I think someone's off with me. The OCD and it's not an excuse, makes me check things.

I think she just needs space. There's pics of a few of my mates having fun on our WhatsApp group and it's got me thinking.

Please be kind as I know it's not healthy.

OP posts:

Original poster

feathermucker · 25/05/2019 17:39

They've said they'll all come round if I have a girls night

OP posts:

Original poster

feathermucker · 25/05/2019 17:40

On waiting list for CBT

OP posts:

pog100 · 25/05/2019 18:09

they sound nice, actually. i think you will be fine.

Original poster

feathermucker · 25/05/2019 18:11

I hope so pog.

I hate having these worries about friends. I want to be able to see pics of friends having fun and be happy for them rather than feel like this.

I know I need to stop the checking and reassurance seeking as it's not healthy at all.

I guess I wish they understood a bit more but it must be hard.

OP posts:

sonjadog · 25/05/2019 18:44

Are you sure she really has gone a bit distant on you, or could your anxiety about this be making you think this is happening so that you will need reassurance? One big breakthrough I have had with my anxiety has been learning to recognize when what I am feeling is my anxiety talking, and when what I am feeling is real.

ritchiebaby · 25/05/2019 18:45

OCD aside they are your friends they should know whats happening ...time and persistence wins every time. Enjoy they party either with or without all your friends. True friends forgive and should support you no matter what! I know 100s of folk I call my friends , but true friends I can count on my fingers minus the thumbs. Good Luck

75Renarde · 25/05/2019 18:48

Oh bless you OP. Go and have a smoke. you're good x

ritchiebaby · 25/05/2019 19:10

OP? hope that does not mean old punter

Original poster

feathermucker · 25/05/2019 20:14

It's really hard and it's lifelong ever since I can remember, this need to feel included.

I'm my head, if they include me, they value and like me. One friend I live over the road from and she doesn't always invite me over for drinks because as she says different friends for different occasions.

I know it's not reasonable to expect to be invited to everything, I really do know that.

Any suggestions as to how to rationalise this?

OP posts:

LL83 · 25/05/2019 20:22

Sounds hard for you op. To rationalise, when I am out with one or part of a group it is usually because

i have something to see that friend about
it came up last minute
I bumped into them while out
i have the same favourite restaurant or some other common bond.

I am never out with one/part of a group because i don't want to see someone from the group. If they are coming to see you or see you at other times they like you.

Original poster

feathermucker · 25/05/2019 20:29

Thank you

OP posts:

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