I feel so robbed by my mothers narc. whatever. I don't even know

[lolaflores]

Yesterday was an occasion for a member of my mothers family. Due to her odd view of them, I haven't got a close relationship with my cousins. Despite my mothers attempts to not have me theres, I did attend.
In the end, I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me.
Anytime I over heard her time and again wailing about how a condition my nephew has. She made it sound as though it were actually happening to her.
Not once did she mention either of my children.
She was spiteful, odious about another person and in the end, we made excuses and left.
As I grow older, her behaviour in hind sight (and currently) becomes more and more strange.
My father died when we were young and I look at my mother and think "thats what i got? Thats what raised us? ?
At this point in time I feel as though I had no parents because she is and was so badly equipped for the job. The self awarness of a cactus. Emotional depth of icing. Manipulative and self absorbed.
She laughs at everything or treats it with contempt yet slobers over people whom she deems, above her.
She only comes to me when she needs something.
I am at a dead end with her but don't know how to completely eject her from our life.
Part of me wonders if she has dementia because her behaviour is so appalling but as my sister points out, she always been this way. It makes me cringe and feel so angry at the same time. Its got to the point that when I am around her or have to be around her, I get ill. Either asthmatic issues or pain. I have chronic pain but her presence aggravates it. I am being treated for depression and sometimes, the only way I can deal with her is by dropping 2mg of valium.
I had therapy for 4 years bur I think I need to go back in.
i just wanted to unbruden myself of this. Write it down and get it out of my head.
Any thoughts would be gratefully accepted.

My father died when I was 15. Even to this day I feel like the wrong parent died. I felt it was so unfair that a parent who loved me unconditionally was the one who died and I was left with an abusive narc who was left to blight my life.

When I talk about my children’s grandparents. I refer to my in laws. To everyone, they only have grandparents on my husbands side. Despite her being very much alive.

We thought my mum also had dementia because her version of the past was so way off reality. Then I read the stately homes thread and it became clearer.

Why don’t you feel you can limit contact? Have you come across the FOG? Fear obligation and guilt?

Therapy with someone who has experience with toxic families can be a god send. But not one who pushes for ‘forgiveness’ and contact at all costs.

I hear you. It is unfair, but for me, my anxiety and mental health is far better with her out of it. And my dc are much safer without knowing her.

Don't try to fix everything or what ever comes into your life.
Fix your self in such a way that whatever comes, you will be fine.

Very simple my lovely; No Contact.

Cut her out. You owe it to yourself and

aussiebean yes...it does feel like the wrong parent died. And its interesting you thought about dementia too. She behaves as if she is actually unhinged and I just want to run and run.

We are going to relocate once dd2 finishes school. A couple of years. In the meantime I am winding down contact.

The FOG is intense here if I am being honest. Ots wrapped up in fear of no parent etc but with the increasing impact she is taking, it's her or me.
She has been an awful person never mind a parent.

OP..it's funny (well not really but YNWIM), but I asked my adult son who sort of works in the field, if he thought my Mum had the start of Alzheimers. He said nope it's her awful personality.

I have over the last few years just backed off from her. I now realise i haven't spoken more than three words to her in 6 months