when all you see is loneliness ahead...how did you find someone? so sick of these comments i read or hear about!

[user50000a]

Feeling a bit disheartened with online dating. People say keep at it, others say love will find you when you least expect it. My favourite (sense the sarcasm!) is "until you're happy on your own nobody can love you." errrr I am happy but I don't want to be alone, so that does make me feel a bit unhappy?

rant over

I have a happy life and have taken all the advice to get out there, online date, give people a chance. I've waited for a spark to grow, I've met people I've been unsure about dating to make sure I am being open minded! I am ok with some distance and prepared to travel to meet someone I click with. outside of the dating arena I have a very independent and good life - of course there's always parts of you you can improve but I find it massively insulting when people imply that single people are single because they haven't accepted who they are or found themselves or other bullshit.

I don't think I am unattractive and usually get asked out again. but im not getting younger! I cant help but ask myself why hasn't this happened for me.

just looking for some words of support really. it is hard and lonely sometimes and I can see this whole life of loneliness ahead.

Get a pet. It will always be there for you, unlike a supposed partner or a child.

I am currently moderately happy with my early-20s son living at home and our menagerie. But if he moved out and took the menagerie with him? Fuck yes I'd be overjoyed.

I really get this OP. I've lived with ds on our own for 10 years now.. 10 years!! since divorce. I've had 3 significant but relatively short relationships and flings. I've found that when I'm happiest I have the confidence to meet/date but each time my hopes are dashed I slump and feel back to square one.
I just feel people don't get it! so I begin to wonder if it's just me. But seems you're feeling exactly the same. I gave up with OLD, I'm not robust enough.
It sounds like you're doing everything right, sometimes we need a bit of luck!

I think it is just luck.
And that most people do just end up with someone that will do.

I’ve listened to lovely, grounded, balanced, attractive friends with fulfilling lives and interests talk about the difficulties of meeting new potential partners, so I agree OP, it’s quite insulting to suggest that the only reason you are failing to find someone is some personality defect in you.

I have lots of female friends in this situation. But I don’t know any men who are. I always wonder what happened to the days of introductions within social circles. I am sure there are many men in this situation also. I try to avoid all of the comments in the OP now. I confess I used to say all of the above to my single friends. Because I truely believed that’s how it work out for them. But now years later I do believe it’s mainly down to luck / chance meetings (and introductions). Good luck OP

Dating is really hard! I know I expected to find it easy after coming out of a LTR and had a nasty shock. Even if you have a nice time on dates, the process itself is exhausting. It’s hard to maintain the resilience to keep at it too.

I think a lot of it comes down to luck. There’s plenty of people who would be great partners but haven’t met someone else who is the right fit for them. It isn’t just people who are too stuck in their ways who are struggling to find someone who is compatible.

No words of advice except to keep plugging away.

I was in this scenario. Had been perpetually lonely for years and only seemed to meet men who were nice but no attraction was there. Then I just stopped caring as much- I still was online dating but I just went with the flow. Ended up meeting the love of my life on it. We chatted, he made me laugh, we went for a drink and that was it.
However, I didn’t go in with any expectations, he wasn’t my usual type and he already had a child so it was a bit of a new step for me. No regrets now, he is the best man I know.
So I guess my advice if any is really to keep going. I was single for years and wondered if I would ever meet anyone. It will happen for you, just don’t let it get you down or take over your life.

You have to be happy alone because anyone can change their mind at any point even when you've been together for years. That's why people say it. I would never rely on being in a relationship to make me happy.

How old are you OP? I'm 42 and gave up on dating a year ago. It just wasn't for me and I'm happier alone. I've had so many questions though about starting dating again and people can't understand why I don't want to find anyone. There's pressure to couple up and the assumption life isn't complete with a partner. My children are still young though and I might feel differently once they are older.
My only advice is to try not to feel pressured into finding someone as that way is likely to make you accept a relationship that isn't that great. It's better to be alone for the right reasons that with someone for the wrong ones.

Online dating isn't for the faint-hearted that's for sure but I'm not sure how else anyone is supposed to meet a partner realistically. My strategy after doing it for a while was just to meet asap and not build anything up in my head so I didn't have that "It was all going so well - and then I met him!" scenario.
So I would have to say have a break to recharge and then try again, I really think it IS a numbers game. Sorry if that's no help, I met my DH online.