Really inconsistent messaging

[JustAstroturf]

I wanted to test if I’m overthinking this/being unreasonable.

I’m in the early stages with someone and notice their messaging in between times is really inconsistent. Sometimes there are dozens a day, fast responses, lots of questions and even sometimes double- messages if I don’t respond (ie in one case I was away from my phone and returned to two, the second sent an hour later).

But then ... sometimes there is nothing. I’ve been left on read for a message I sent this time yesterday. This happens sometimes as well, nil responses, then something a while later as if nothing’s happened.

I know people get busy etc and am usually quite sensible about this sort of thing but find the sheer inconsistency of the communication makes me feel really on edge.

Would this concern you? Am I being a dork?

I may be harsh but inconsistency for me at any stage doesnt work....but then again in the very beginning people multi chat and have busy lives. Leaving you on read with a question...nope. NEXT!

Yeah it makes me anxious but trying to figure out if that’s just my problem

Sounds like he's married to me

I do this regularly to friends, relatives and even my husband - I’m just busy! I often read things, think about replying and get distracted. It’s really no indication of anything at all. Chill out

But are you reliably unreliable cloudy if that makes sense? I have friends that do this all the time too and it never worries me as that’s how they roll with communication. It’s almost as if they are reliably unreliable. It feels different with this guy. It’s almost like a spotlight is on me then it gets turned off

I used to message a guy over snapchat who I'd met online who was similar, he worked during the week several hours from his home. All through the week constant texting and double texts if I hadn't replied etc and then I started to notice a pattern of not hearing from him or any of my messages being read over the weekend at all.
Anyway after one weekend I mentioned it to him and he said he goes to visit his kids on the weekend and turns his phone off so he's got no distractions, I interpreted that as he was no doubt happily married and would spend weekends at home with his wife and kids and during the week when working away was texting/meeting other women.
Not saying it's the same situation but in my opinion my first thoughts would be that something else was going on....

He's busy, and/or doesn't need to message all the time. If you don't know where you stand, ask him, but stop reading into message frequency/cadence. It's a bit neurotic.

Men do not text like women - end of . Stop overthinking it .

Yes I can see your point and I suppose I am fairly consistent in my terrible texting - honestly though, don’t worry about this. Monitoring, overthinking and analysing texting patterns is a bad route.... don’t do it!

You’re all right! I’m going to stop wasting headspace on this

Im a woman and I do exactly this. Sometimes I have time and the desire to reply quickly and multiple times. Sometimes I dont (I would still "read" the message though if only to make the notification go away). I think you are overthinking it.

Are you two exclusive or just seeing how it goes?

It's still a new relationship, you are being unreasonable as with time you'll be a bigger part of his life and by then will understand his personality and way of communication better.

Some days it's easier to text multiple messages in a shorter period of time, other days not. Don't judge him based on your own availability and speed. You're still getting to know one another, enjoy that period for now. Whatever you do, do not make a big deal about this to him.

The spotlight on you and then off completely is to my mind an amber flag...,i don't care what anyone says re its early days. Don't be obsessive. It's not obsessive to have an instant gut reaction to someones communication MO. I wouldn't say a word but he'd be quite low down in priority beside more consistent communicators you might be chatting to iyswim

Are you actually in a relationship with him?

I'd find it really annoying - as you say, it's the inconsistency.

My suspicion would be that he puts his focus on someone else when he shifts it away from you. People who love messaging the way he does at times tend to be like that most of the time. Others (like me) are non-messagers.

but this is hot and cold behaviour and that's never a good sign.

It's almost as if he has a life outside WhatsApp... 🙂

If a man likes you, you'll know. If you're confused, he doesn't like you 🤷🏻‍♀️ Apply this to your OLD encounters and you won't go far wrong!

I am like this, as is the guy I'm seeing. It doesn't make meeting up easy, but it works for us as it's all very casual. I don't want endless text conversations with him or anyone else so I don't bother with them. Sometimes it will be a week where we don't text, then I'll suddenly get loads of messages from him, I know that's what he is like so it doesn't bother me too much. If it bothers you then just stop bothering an move on to someone who communicates in a way that doesn't make you feel insecure.

Inconsistency is the biggest turn off for me in early dating.

I personally wouldn't continue something with somebody who was inconsistent in communication.

I'm of the opinion if a man is interested in me I will know about it. And even if he is but this is just his way then our communication needs/styles aren't compatible.

If I'm genuinely interested in a man I would not leave him on read for 24 hours.

Intermittent reinforcement - it's addictive