I need an advice

[1sunflower]

So me and my ex partner have a 19month old daughter. We have been together but recently split up. He was very controlling like how much i spend,checking my banking, going thru my phone, followed me to work all in the beggining of the relatiknship. When i got pregnant things settled. Then when i gave birth he suddenly staryed to become distant... we stopped sleeping together, we stopped showing eachother love and had arguments like big arguments. Then i started to be suspicious because for me to go from all that to nothing was like a shock and i started blaming myself first that my body changed, that obviously theres no time now because im looking after a baby and he works. Then things started to get messy. He would hide with his phone, sleep in another room and literally no attention whatsoever. He would always moan we are not gonna go out eat because our daughter will start crying and he doesn't want to go to spend a sunday anywhere because he is tired. Then i started to become paranoid that maybe he has someone and that's why he changed so much... we would argue... i would try and explain that i think he has someone because he has changed so much and he would just laugh in my face and say im no one i don't work and he is the one supporting me because he is working, that im fat and that's why he doesn't sleep with me( since that time i lost weight and i am currently 55kg but i feel like crap and unatractive). So we just started be terrible to each other. Recently we had an argument about this too that he stays up all night on his phone and doesn't even come to lay down or spend some time together so that we can get this relationship a bit better. He just went all crazy and started saying stuff about my family, accusing me of stealing his money and giving it to them and all sorts. So i found his old phone and found photos on there from beggining of our relationship.... in the space of 5months we were together and were about to rent a flat together he was with another girl at the same time(some brazillian stripper) and i thought no this can't be right! There were photos of her half naked and some other girls but that was from time before me... the photos made me sick! Most of them were undressed sleeping or drunk women and he was taking pictures of their body parts like in a creepy way :( i spoke to the brazilian girl and she was shocked to see he has photos of her like this and that she didn't know. She confirmed that they were together at that time and that he was taking drugs and aggressive and jealous so she left him and this is when he just committed to our relationship fully.... now i don't know what to do because he became even more aggressive and threatened to take full custody of.my daughter and that he has money, knows people and knows a judge! This little girl is my whole life and i have been looking after her every day since the day i gave birth to her. I couldn't go to evening job because he said no... now he is saying that because in on benefits and i don't have money to support our daughter he will take me to court and he will take her away from me and he will say im a psycho... my mother abounded me and siblings 4 years ago and now he is using this against me to saying he will say to court that my mother is a whore and that way he will take my child away. He always tries to twist every word i say always says he makes money and im no one and nothing and im not good for any job but he prevents me from going to work like pub or somewhere with late hours so that i can put my daughter to sleep and go to work. That way i can spend whole day with her. He said he spoke to a friend that is a judge and they said it will be a simple procedure taking the child away from me. I don't know what to do? Is this really true? Can he take her away? He has a son from previous marriage but he lives with his mom and visits him few day a week. He said they will say hes a good dad too and i have no chance of getting full custody of our daughter :( im so stressed i have not eaten for few days and lost so much weight. Yesterday he has called am ambulance and said is me who is destroying him and that because of the stress i give him he was in hospital and wrote me a nasty message calling me names saying he will kick me out from the house and destroy me :(

NannyRed

DFOD - sanctimonious twat.

OP he's lying about the judge thing. Also, there's not a hope in hell he'll get full custody of your DD. He probably doesn't want full custody anyway, too much effort - he's just saying it to keep you there.

@NannyRed My advice, write your crap in a diary so no one else is subjected to your vitriol.

OP, why on earth did you have a child with this man when the relationship was so terrible from the beginning?!

I can assure you, you have rights to your daughter and he cannot just take her away from you. He is saying that he can as another form of power over you, to continue to instil fear in to you so you remain subjective to him. He counts on your fear and ignorance of the legal system to abuse you, so honestly, well done for reaching out.

You can certainly seek help from charities, and I would advise that you do. His abuse has conditioned you in to thinking you deserve this and what he has done is not actually abuse - it most certainly is. How he is with his son is not your concern, your concern is how he is with you and your daughter.

I can assure you, most likely you will awarded full custody, but it's time you sought help from places like Women's Aid and the Citizen's Advice Bureau as they will be able to help you legally and also provide you with wealth of information and assistance overall.

You are not obligated to tolerate this behaviour, would you wish for your daughter to suffer silently like this in the future? No? Then do not accept it for yourself either, there is a far better life out there for you and it's waiting.

This man will continue to manipulate you and stop you in your tracks if he thinks you are going to leave, it's time to begin to prepare your escape plan by seeking help and assistance. If you can stay elsewhere safely for a while, I would suggest you do so and get a good support system around you with friends and family if possible.

I wish you the best OP, you have rights, do not let him for one second make you believe that you do not.

I volunteer with a charity in my spare time that helps get women back in to work, we provide clothes, shoes, bags and interview skills. When the time is right, feel free to get in touch, I can direct you to the charity so that you can seek their help in finding a job. However, first step is understanding your rights and planning your next move, work will come once you're more settled.

@Spector

You accuse the OP of Not understanding why she had a child with this man? And you seriously expect us to believe you volunteer for women's a8s charities?

You are either one of the most ignorant people I've ever had the misfortune to meet or you are a liar?

My guessing it's the latter.

You're welcome.

It doesn’t matter why. She did. It’s a fact. Now she must think of the safest, and best life, for her and her child.

Agreed @Halo84

75Renarde, why be so aggressive? Its not necessarily unhelpful to ask rhetorically why someone made a poor choice. Even if they cant answer, it may help them to think things through for next time.

Anyway, tge important thing now is for the OP to get away from her arsehole of a partner, and keep herself and her DD safe.

@75Renarde LOL.

I'm not sure what your issue is but it was a rhetorical question, said in a moment of what made you stick with him. It's food for thought. But you go ahead and ignore the rest of my post and behave like an arsehole for no reason.

Finally, I don't care if you believe me or not, and the only one who has had the un-pleasure here is me knowing of your existence.

Ahh the old 'It was a rhetorical question' shizzle.

So let's now add weasel words to the list as well, eh?

How has your main post added anything to the mix despite your self aggrandising 'I help the poor battered wimmin' post?

If you really did geuinely want to help DA survivors, questioning why they had kids it's not really the empathic way to start, is it? Rhetoric or not.

Honestly, I'm playing empath bingo with you now. I think you may win.

@75Renarde You are seriously pathetic.

Find someone else to act up for.

Yeah you won.

Congratu-welldone!