Partner is a restless sleeper and I have no where to lay my head

[MareMeva]

My partner is a very restless sleeper and wakes me up throughout the night. We have a small two bed mid terrace and although he never liked separate bedrooms I used to sleep in the spare room...until we had children. When the boys weren’t sleeping through the night it didn’t matter so much as I was up and down anyway, but now they are I should be catching up. I haven’t gone for a sofa bed because he stays up later than me and I don’t fancy falling down the stairs in the night and he won’t sleep on one because he’s got to get to work in the morning (as do I, after the school run). My most recent solution has been a folding foam mattress stored in the non-functioning shower (there is also a bath, we are a clean family) that I can pull out at night onto the bathroom floor, but it is nearly as crap as just lying on the floor used to be. Does anyone else have this? Where can I sleep? Or at least, can anyone recommend a folding foam mattress no more than 180 cm long that isn’t absolute dog poo? Too much time around children is making me search for polite words.

First time posting don’t know if it worked d

Get a decent sofa bed and he'll either have to sleep on it or go to bed earlier so that you can...

Why isn't he trying to help fix this? My husband's snoring has been keeping me awake so he has taken up jogging to lose weight to see if that stops the snoring. The least your husband can do is sleep on a sofa bed!

I agree with everyone else why are you the only one sorting this.
How restless a sleeper is your DH? Has he got a sleep disorder that's causing the restlessness?

If it is his moving around, either get a big sausage pillow to put between you, or buy separate beds and place them 10 inches apart. If it's noise too, use earplugs and then he will have to respond to your dc.

How much room do you have? Can you get two single beds and push them together when needed and slightly apart when you just want to sleep?
Tbh I'm a really light sleeper (road noise or him rolling over or coughing would wake me), we've got a super king frame with two single zip link mattresses in it, that combined with a sleep mask and noise cancelling headphones listening to (non-stimulating) audio books means I sleep past 3am or longer than 4hrs a night! It's a self imposed isolation booth and I love it 😂

Separate beds like the married couples from the 50s. A bed that has 2 mattress which are slightly separate. These is far easier to solve than a snoring issue. We both snore and are as fit as 2 50 year old fiddles can be, neither smoking or drinking. Plus he fidgets and kicks and goes in for death cuddles half way through the night. Luckily I only need a 6 hour sleep cycle.

We have two single beds from Ikea with separate mattresses pushed together and separate duvets was utterly brilliant until the mega snoring started - he's now permanently in the spare room

If it is excess movement rather than snoring then separate duvets helps immensely.

How big is your bedroom? Would a bigger bed help? Get two single mattresses and push together so that when he rolls around you aren’t being bothered.

he won’t sleep on one because he’s got to get to work in the morning (as do I, after the school run)

Why is his sleep more important than yours?

Grrrr.

Anyway, in more practical terms, what is it that keeps you awake? Thrashing around or moving or talking or snoring? It it's a noise, a separate room is probably the only way forward. If it's a movement thing, try separate mattresses/duvets as suggested.

Assuming he is in a double bed? Just get in with him and he will have to deal with it, or swap for 2 single beds in your room

Thanks everyone for your helpful
Ideas. Separate duvets started years ago, after we first got together, and to my amazement, the duvet was whipped off me in the middle of the night and turned over to the “cool side.” His sister-in-law says his brother does this too but they’ve been together since they were 17 and she’s got used to it. I made the mistake of moving in with a man in his late 30’s who’d never lived with a partner before. He’s had restless leg since a child, often has insomnia, and tends to have bags under his eyes too big for the cabin of most airlines. I do feel sorry for him, and he’s not a total d@&ckhead, so I’ve decided the best option is to look for a better bathroom mattress. If you can suggest one, I’d love to hear it! And how to win the lottery and buy a house with a room of my own...

Have a look at CBD oil for him, you can buy it in holland and barret now and then online specialist shops sell higher concentrations. Legal and low risk and I know lots of people who use it for various things. My partner can be restless but with CBD he sleeps like a log and doesn’t ever disturb me now. Helps my sleep too.

Can you fit two single beds into the room? When my husband took ill we changed to single beds and we were both amazed at how much better we both slept.

I slept on a memory foam mattress from ikea on the floor for a while due to space issues. I have since bought a day bed and placed the single mattress on it. It’s more comfy than the bed and makes a lovely sofa in the day covered in cushions etc. People all comment on it for its comfort and style and not too expensive. Could that be a solution for you

omg you're actually committing yourself to a life of sleeping on the bathroom floor.. instead of him addressing his issue.. well okay

Get him to choose his bathroom mattresses

Why does he stay up later than you? The obvious solution here is a decent sofa bed. You just need to give him the choice of either sleeping on it, or going to bed earlier so that you can (maybe get a tv for the bedroom if that's why he is staying up).
If he is not a total dickhead, he will choose one of these options. If he refuses to, then your appraisal of him is skewed!