What constitutes an emotional affair

[markersmark]

Where is the line thy crosses from friendship into emotional affair territory ??

No one would obsess on a friend this much.

It's an EA.

And it's mutual.

You obviously feel uncomfortable by the level of contact and type of interaction. I think it’s time to wean him of you. Don’t respond to his texts straight away. Limit the replies you make. If he questions why you didn’t respond, just say the phone was in the other room, you were busy etc. Regarding comments about your bum, maybe respond with something along the lines “that you for the compliment, but i’d Rather you didn’t comment about my personal appearance” etc. Starting owning this friendship on your terms, not his.

Thanks. When I was distant because of personal reasons , it kind of hit me that I would never text a friend and complain of them Being distant . I would just simply think that they were busy . By the way he said it, I felt I had to apologise, like I would to a boyfriend . Then he backtracked by saying he totally understood and he knew he wasn't the reason as if there was some
Contract that I wasn't aware of! The compliments are coming thick and fast lately but this is my main problem... I would compliment any friend like that , but not male friend . That's why I asked if it was an emotionalaffair in your opinion or just a really close friendship

It's an EA. You wouldn't need to be questioning it if it wasn't. You're uncomfortable with it because it's breaking the norms of friendship, even very close ones.

Do you like it when he compliments you?

I really really didn't like the ass comment

OP, you have some really weird ideas. Of course it's not a 'really close friendship' because he talks lingeringly about your body parts and complains about you being distant? Do you see one another outside of work? Do you socialise together or in the same group? Have your partners met?

If not, he's just a sleazebag colleague hitting on someone with no boundaries. How many male colleagues do you compliment on their asses, or harass with texts at night?

I really really didn't like the ass comment

But did you say that?

I really appreciate when someone compliments me
On my weight loss efforts as they kill me .my efforts I mean . So that made me happy but no more than another friends comments would make me happy. He tells
Me now and again that I look amazing... whatever that means because I don't. I do t really take notice of himreally as he is just trying to be sweet... or so i thought before the ass comment . That meant to me that he was looking at my backside which creeped me out a bit

I didn't say it as I got such a shock

We do see eachother outside of work. We do socialise together but normally
In group. He has met
Mine but I haven't met his girlfriend .

I always had a feeling that he was gay so I kind of put his comments down
To being very in touch with his own feminine side and absolutely dismissed any idea what of a sexual nature . Then he got a girlfriend with whom he doesn't sleep with so I thought she might be a cover for him but then wondered if he was actually straight and just didn't like sex. I do t know. I'm so confused about all of this mess

Do you fancy him?

I don't fancy him Whatsoever

Well it can't be an emotional affair...if you both had the hots for each other and had all that txtn then something wouldn't be right...he sounds very needy and clingy and you are taking the brunt of his neediness...

So do You think then that because I don't find him
Physically attractive, that it can't be an emotional affair???

In my opinion no....others may think differently...and by the way I am a male...you sound as if you can't be bothered with all the txtn and stuff...don't txt him back right away...he will soon get the message...

Thanks. Unfortunately though , he didn't take the hint after a week of very very low contact... only a message about me being distant and a flurry of compliments to
Follow and following Me Around at work.

God he sounds obsessed.....do you think in any way you have led him on even innocently and he has jumped on that? I would still stick to not replying to him immediately...he will get the message...

OP it sounds more like harassment to me!!! He needs to back off

I agree, he sounds needy and clingy. I don’t think it’s an EA, because you are finding it all abit much, both the frequency of texts and nature of comments. It’s natural to be flattered by compliments, but it sounds like he has now gone too far, and is overdoing it. Time to set some boundaries.

I don't think I led him in at all. I am naturally very outgoing and chatty and we share the same Sense of humour so I think we just kind of fell into this friendship and took it from there . We are friends for years btw but I see a pattern over the last few months on that when I am busy or am overwhelmed in myPersonal Life and unknowingly detach, he really doesn't like it and makes great efforts to pull me back into our intensity of friendship . Also, he does not talk at all about his girlfriend . Like she doesn't exist but then will drop something into conversation by accident almost . No sign of her or them socially or on his social Media . Not sure what his angle is really . Up until this I absolutely believed he was gay which is why I probably engaged so much , he wasn't a threat so to speak . Maybe he still is but rather than feel romantically about me, he could just be needy and clingy , but then the personal remarks are now becoming nearly daily