So scared!! Police called & social services involved

[sarahjay1976]

I'm so worried. Me and ex broke up before ds was born due to simply falling out of love and all has been very amicable. Long story short he came to my house a few days ago to see ds and we got into an argument he ended up grabbing me and pushing me and then when he did eventually leave stood outside trying to get back in. I rang the police in a panic and they came and took a statement. I've since had a call from ss saying the police passed on my details and that they wanted to do further assessments. I intended to cut ties with ex after what happened anyway and since ss have been in contact even more so but I'm just so petrified they will take him away from me. Has anyone got any experience or advice on this?? I know they're just following procedure and what they do is so important for children and families but I just cannot bare the thought of not having my son. Please help!!

Don't worry OP if this is the first time the police have been called you will be fine. They will not take your child away based on one isolated incident which was not your fault.. Just cooperate with ss, get somw legal advice about your ex and tell ss you are doing this.

My heads been all over the place the last few days and it’s so reassuring to hear that, Thank you!

Don't panic.

Calling the police was the right decision. Ending unsupervised contact is the right decision. SS just want to check that you're making good decision for your baby's safety. You are. It'll be fine.

Be very clear with ss that you’re having no further contact with him and that the kids are safe with you and you’ll be fine. Hope you have lots of support around you. If not they might be able to signpost you to appropriate support.

Don't stress, tell social services what you have told us here. All they are looking for is that you understand the risks and are willing to put your dc first.
(An ex social worker)

Normal response to domestic violence when a child is involved is to call SS. If you show them he’s safe and loved then you have nothing to worry about

Social services want to know that you are putting your child first.

You have some things to think about and they may be able to help. Does this incident mean your child’s time with his father needs to be adjusted in any way? Assuming visitation is still happening, how best can the two of you complete hand-offs? If there are ongoing sources of stress in co-parenting, could an alternate means of communication be used for discussions?

This happened to me many years ago. SS came around to check if ex really was out of the house and we (well the dc) were safe.
The looked around the house and checked dc's rooms.

She spoke to me also to ensure ex was an ex and I had taken appropriate steps to safeguard my dc.

You might find it’s a good thing they’re involved as your ex doesn’t sound like he is safe around your ds and if you stop contact in you’re home you’ll have ss backing you should it go to court.

PM me OP - experience wit this

Ss get called every time police are called and you have children. Don't worry. It happened with me but never had any actual visit from ss just a letter. My children were school age so school were informed too. Everything was ok.

They won’t take your kids. Almost exactly the same happened to me. Ss were great and really helped. It’s just all about ensuring that the child’s needs are met and they are not in any danger. Sounds like you’re already in the process of putting steps in place to ensure this.

I called the police after my partner assaulted me and SS became involved. I was horrified and worried too. We didn’t split up but he agreed to have counselling and entered into a written agreement with the social worker that he would never use physical violence during an argument again. This was effective as ever since then, if he is getting very angry during a disagreement he removes himself from the situation. And even if he feels like lashing out he knows how serious the repercussions would be. Am not advocating staying with a partner after a physical altercation but I am just trying to reassure you that if they feel your situation is okay they will not take things further. This happened 8 years ago and there has been no issues of this kind since then.

Please don't panic. You have done exactly the right thing - he's been violent so you called the police. SS will be involved because you have a child, but all they want to see is that you are putting DC welfare front and centre. You sound like you've had a nasty shock, and understandably you're worried about your wee boy, but you'll be fine. SS are actually here to help and support you, and if you want to try and get a non-molestation order in place to keep Ex away then their support could help with that.

OP please don't look at SS as the enemy here,I promise you they won't judge you...They could urn out to be the best friend you have if you have to deal with an abusive Ex.They will be on your side to help...you did a good thing and the only right thing to do by calling the police.Let SS help you and your child,even if its only one time they will have both your best interests at heart....

Just think of ss being your supportive friend. It’s their job to help you and ensure kids are safe from ex. Win win

They will NOT take him away from you. They don't want to, and they can't. As long as you and the ex are truly separated and you take steps to protect your boy from him, they will just want to see if you need any other support.

Ditto above - it's fairly standard for SS to be informed when there has been a DV incident. In our area the police report is also sent to the school (although we aren't allowed to discuss it with anyone, it is just for info). They may do an assessment but it sounds like you've acted appropriately so I wouldn't worry.

When I did safeguarding training they covered ss involvement. SS want to see parents who have their children's best interests at heart. Show them the caring and supportive parent you are. Cooperate so they can see you have nothing to hide. You will be fine but I totally understand why you would be anxious.

Ss won't be looking to remove your child unless they have significant safeguarding concerns eg if you continued to see your ex. Mostly they will be considering whether he should have visits with his child and arrangements eg contact centre

I had this happen when I called the police after my ex attacked me. The sw visited but was satisfied I was stopping contact and didn’t come again, it would have been a different story if you were staying with him as I have known women to have their children removed for that reason, but as that isn’t the case they won’t be looking at removing your son.