How do you learn to trust again?

[KoalaTea]

I came out of an EA marriage in the last couple of years.

At the end, my Ex was convinced I was cheating on him, and even now, I still feel like he thinks that of me, even though its untrue, and still feel a little stalked on social media as he can't not comment on my twitter...etc (I really didnt cheat, I just fell out of love with him because of his EA, it still took me many years to call time)

I'm finding i've come out of this feeling like i'm broken, like I can't trust anyone with anything.. I can't talk to my friends, because even the slightest chance stuff I tell them in private might get back to him terrifies me.

I know I have PTSD, a CBT counsellor confirmed it.. I need therapy but have no idea how to access it as NHS so far, will only offer me CBT which I stopped doing as its not helped me at all..

I dont feel like I can be myself and be honest about the experiences I had because he completely denies he ever did anything wrong, even though i'm left in this mess of anxiety, PTSD and trying to piece myself back together.

I'm so tired of my anxiety making me feel like the sky is falling because i'm worried about him finding out what i'm doing and where i'm going.. I want to be free of this so badly.

OP, can't you block him on social media? Or consider closing down those accounts and re-opening new ones?

no, if I block him he accuses me of trying to hide stuff and its just not worth the hassle.

Do you have children together? If you don't, there is zero reason for there to be any contact between you.

If you do, then you need to reduce contact, use intermediaries where possible, set boundaries and get legal intervention if necessary.

How can you recover when he's still very much in your life?

Why does it matter what he says? It's none of his fucking business what you do. You're entitled to a private life.

You're still allowing him to control you by not blocking him.

Howabout deactivating your SM accounts for a few months?

Then reactivate or get a new Twitter handle, linked to a new email address.

With trust... take people as you see them. It's about building resilience to cope with these common life events, which therapy does help with.

You may have to use non NHS counselling. You could Google low cost counselling in your area.

Hi op, hope you're still about.

Although you're out of the relationship itself, you're still in the thrall of his opinion, and you have to remind yourself he no longer gets a say. If he were to say "you're hiding things", you have to remember that's fine. He's got no right to know a single thing about you. "We broke up! Get the net".
getyarn.io/yarn-clip/5f927af6-8a25-4827-a22f-4ccc9f7a3122

You need to change your mindset to the new reality. And if he is harassing you, then get legal help. He's continuing his abuse. You've come a long way, but you're not out of the woods yet, and that's what's holding up recovery.

If your friends would genuinely tell him things, then you need to get a new social circle. Which is easier said than done, I know, but it's no point in trying to trust people if they've already let you down.