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Original poster

20 year old dating a 29 year old

22 replies

dabdabdab · 22/05/2019 11:18

Hello all, I was looking for some advice. I'm not sure whether it's my place or if I should keep quiet about it.

DD is at university in London and is very very career driven and motivated. Through a networking event she met a 29 year old lawyer. They went for drinks and from there have started dating. I just fear they are at different stages of their lives, and I wouldn't want either to wast each others time. I think she likes that he owns a nice flat in central London and can afford to take her out for nice drinks and dinners etc.

Is this an ok dating gap? She does have a friend whose partner is 30 when the girl is 20!

OP posts:
leatherflamingle · 22/05/2019 11:23

At 20 and 29 time is all for the wasting surely?!
Dating, having fun, wining and dining.
Ah the good old days
All good fun 😊

palahvah · 22/05/2019 11:24

If that's the case then she'll figure it out? A bit of a rite of passage to date people who aren't suitable (or might not be) long-term. I wish I'd done more of that in my 20s!
If she's told you this much already then keep that line of communication open without expressing your displeasure and she'll be more likely to confuse in you if she has any concerns about him)the relationship?
She has plenty of time.

Drum2018 · 22/05/2019 11:27

That age gap wouldn't even be a consideration at their ages. As long as both of them are happy and continuing with their own studies/careers, not been held back by the other, then leave them at it. It may fizzle out or they may end up settling down together. It's up to them.

SupaNintendoChalmers · 22/05/2019 11:31

That's a fine age gap I think, I wouldn't worry about it.
People mature etc at all different rates as well, I don't think it's uncommon for men in their late 20's maturity to line up with women in their early 20's anyway!
Better she date a mature together guy I would think! And at 20 she has plenty of time to waste and have life experiences anyway!

dontgobaconmyheart · 22/05/2019 11:50

What exactly is an 'ok dating gap' though? Surely if all are adults (and at 20 she is very definitely one) and she is enjoying herself then that's not cause for any comment really. It's really not that unusual or any cause for alarm age gap wise IMO. They're in the same broad social demographic living in a city so presumably like a lot of the same things/places/socialising etc. Whatever she likes about him or dating him is up to her regardless.

In the gentlest possible way OP I don't think you need to worry about what you think of them wasting each others time. It's their time and isn't (and shouldn't) be something you get a say in anyway, she needs to live her adult life and is currently enjoying herself with another adult.

Original poster
dabdabdab · 22/05/2019 12:30

Okay, I'll try and keep my snoot out then. Thanks

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 22/05/2019 12:40

A 29yo professional in a London is nowhere near looking to settle down.
So they are in a very similar phases of life that way. Only he is more solvent than her student male friends.
Let her enjoy dating and having fun.

Quartz2208 · 22/05/2019 12:42

would say the settling down levels of the two are quite similar - and i suspect that is the appeal

Original poster
dabdabdab · 22/05/2019 12:59

I know this sounds quite mean, I just can't see what he can see in a university student, which is what makes me suspicious. Obviously I think dd is pretty and gregarious etc etc but the cynic in me makes me wonder.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 22/05/2019 13:25

well, I was 28 when I met my now dh (he was a 21 year old uni student at the time). It worked fine for us. Most guys I'd dated up til that point had been 5-10 years older than me, but he was still more mature and together than they were! We fortunately were probably in similar places in life in terms of wanting a serious relationship and wanting to settle down in the near future. We're in our 30s now (11 ish years later) and the age difference really isn't obvious anymore. I think let her enjoy and have fun. I didn't think it was anything serious at the time myself, but you never know?

Kedgeree · 22/05/2019 13:32

A young friend of mine (male) is 29 and has recently ended his relationship with a young woman of 20, citing the age gap. He's ready to settle down and she's a very young 20 - could easily pass for 17 and behaves like it. I think it depends very much on their stage of maturity, shared interests and all that. I had a relationship with a guy 8 years older than me when I was 18. It was fun, he had a car, his own house and a career. we had meals out and all the rest of it, but ultimately he and his friends were too old for me. We're still friends today 35 years later, however Smile.

corythatwas · 22/05/2019 13:40

I know this sounds quite mean, I just can't see what he can see in a university student, which is what makes me suspicious.

Another interesting adult to talk to perhaps? She is 20, she's not your little girl any more, she has a life and thoughts and experiences that in all likelihood you know nothing about. She may well be a far more interesting adult than you realise.

And what's wrong with wasting a bit of time? Surely she is not in a desperate hurry to find Mr Right?

BogglesGoggles · 22/05/2019 13:42

But they are in the same stage? They’re in the whole starting and building a career stage. Even if they weren’t that really isn’t a gif your business.

BogglesGoggles · 22/05/2019 13:43

And I think it’s pretty obvious what he wants with her. I had an even larger age gap with my husband when we started dating (I was even younger than your daughter too). We had a really great time together and ended up getting married.

sucresugar · 22/05/2019 13:46

He will be flattered by a young girls attention, she's enjoying a bit of tlc with a self sufficient man, not to mention the fact they are probably enjoying fantastic sex.

SVRT19674 · 22/05/2019 14:27

My mum was 11 years younger than my dad...so...two adults having fun, enjoying each other's company, so what is the problem?

Original poster
dabdabdab · 22/05/2019 19:12

It can work out well then!
I guess I still see her as my little girl, and last year she was still a teenager.

OP posts:
SMellisa · 22/05/2019 19:17

Age is just a number. 9 years is nothing.

pointythings · 22/05/2019 19:17

My first boyfriend was 28, I was 19. We got on well for a couple of years, then he wanted to settle down and I didn't, so it ended by mutual consent. It was fine. We never ran out of things to talk about and he certainly didn't find me boring!

SandyY2K · 22/05/2019 20:52

I think he'll like the fact she isn't looking to settle and have kids right now, as women his age might be.

Oblomov19 · 22/05/2019 21:10

Sounds fine. I bet she does like dating a 29 year old lawyer if she's 20. I would have liked to. I was always mature beyond my years. Sounds fantastic.

Teddybear45 · 22/05/2019 21:12

It’s probably just a bit of fun. Age gap relationships rarely last when one partner is still in full time education.

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