How romantic is your partner

[sensitivesally]

Was going to post this on AIBU but wasn't sure if it was more suited to here... just that really - how romantic/ spontaneous are your other halves??!

I've been with DP for nearly 2 years. He's not the father of my children and we don't live together but we do spend most nights together unless one of us has other plans and we have keys to each other's homes. When we first met he planned lovely dates but I've recently realised he's become a 'whatever' man.
E.g. me: 'shall we do something tonight?' Him: 'yeah whatever you want' then I end up booking/ planning
Or
Me (half jokingly) 'we've not been on a date for ages why don't you take me out?' Wink wink
Him: 'yeah, you choose' ... again I end up arranging it

I try to keep things spontaneous, book little treats etc (for example I've arranged 2 weekends away in the last 3 months for us both) or I'll sometimes book a gig for a band he likes or something as a surprise and he's always really appreciative but I'd just love him to think to do the same for me from time to time.
He's fantastic with my children, treats them like his own, sex is great (although I initiate it 95% of the time) he's loving etc, I get sweet texts telling me he loves me/ is thinking of me etc and I feel like I'm being a bit of a cow here but I just want him to DO something without me asking. Even if he just surprised me by running me a bath with some candles or planned a day/ night out (or in!) off his own back or anything 😩
I have tried reversing things and not arranging anything but he doesn't really seem to notice so we end up just cuddled up on the sofa (which in itself is lovely I know but just once in a while it'd be nice if he came up with something!)

I'm fully aware he could be worse and that this is probably perfectly normal, I just wondered what other relationships are like!

I'm a bit of a soppy git and like to hear other people's romantic stories even if I don't get to experience it myself 😬

My DH isn't very romantic, but tbf neither am I so I can't really call him out on it. He is very thoughtful though, possibly more so than me too so it's all good!

I still think ‘romance’ is a red herring here. I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t want to see an interesting-sounding new film or play or exhibition or gig, or go for a meal somewhere good, or take advantage of cheap flights somewhere for a weekend, or drive to the coast for a walk and a pub lunch, not because it’s a ‘romantic gesture’ but just because they want to.

My DP is not romantic at all...is putting on my electric blanket for me romantic? , that's about it.

My ex was very romantic - turns out romance came easy to him and he just had to share it with other women. I'd take no romance for a solid, dependable man any day.

We have been together 28 years and married almost 25.

My dh is still really romantic.

He buys me thoughtful gifts and surprises me with weekends away (Seville last time). He runs me candlelit baths for when I get home and does all the cooking. He recently paid for me to have a facial and massage as a surprise and often, when I am having a major sesh at the hairdresser, I'll go to pay at the end and they'll say, 'your husband phoned and paid your bill'!

Basically, he puts me first and always has done.

All my friends hate me.

@Baskerville thing is, he does want to do all those things - and we do, but I arrange them. He'll often say things like 'that new films out about xxx' or 'have you seen that restaurant has opened up down the road, we should try it sometime'
He does actually come up with great ideas of things to do, I just feel a bit like I'm the one who then puts them into practice
This was meant as a lighthearted/ soppy story thread - he's not really as terrible as the image you have of him right now!
He's got a day off work today, he's just nipped out to do some errands and he's suggested going for lunch when he's back.... I know he'll come back and say 'where do you want to go for lunch?' But I'm refusing today to make that decision! 😂

@EdWinchester aww he sounds lovely! 🥰

We never have dates as we've got noone to have the kids, he doesn't do big grand gestures or anything but he does little things and I think those are far more important.
He'll always hold my hand while we're sitting watching TV or whatever, he writes the most beautiful things in cards birthdays/Xmas/whatever, he tells me often how much he loves me, he puts me first in everything and would support me in anything. All his friends and work friends tell me how much he adores me and that he talks about me all the time. If I'm having a bad day he puts my favourite films or shows on even if he hates them and brings me chocolate.
I'd take those little everyday things above a weekly dinner date anyday!

I completely understand where you are coming from OP. It’s lovely that he has the ideas, but with that should come the effort of implementing them.
My ex husband was like that - lovely guy, very affectionate, always said I love you, etc, but all the “work” was left to me. That eventually wore me down and it was only when I stopped being the one to book the table, find the holiday, drive to the gig, that I realised that just how complacent he was.
There were other reasons why we broke up, but that was actually really important to me.

I’d sit down with him and just explain how it makes you feel. It’s nice to be cared for, and you shouldn’t apologise for wanting some of that in your life.

I like organising things, but it is really quite sexy to see a fully mature adult demonstrating that he is capable of original thought, and assertively getting things done. Rather than basically having another dependent tagging along.

Cleaning and so on are a bit different when you're not living together, though. I spend more time at his, but it is still his place (don't stay that often overnight), so I wouldn't get a broom out or start scrubbing - it would look as if I was suggesting the place was dirty. And anyway, if I pick up a dish and head towards the sink he calls out "You're not thinking of washing that, are you?!"

You haven't watched too many movies, OP.

It's quite a low bar for any of us to conclude they should be grateful that someone is sending her sweet texts and cuddling her on the sofa, despite the fact that they only initiate sex 5% of the time, and never takes the initiative to arrange stuff for the two of them to do!

These things are indicators about his priorities and the amount of effort he is prepared to put in. I guess it boils down to what you can stand, if that makes sense? 🤷🏼‍♀️ That kind of thing would drive me nuts.

Hmm. I have been married for nearly 27 years. DH is not openly affectionate. Does not buy flowers or organise surprises, or hold hands in public. He has been better at Xmas and birthdays since dd git big enough to help. He organises corpirate things relating to his interestsand I accompany when necessary.

However, every night before he goes to sleep he kisses me, higs me and tells me he loves me and doesn't know what he'd do without me. He does the same when he wakes up. He also likes to hold my hand before he goes to sleep.

We are in different cities tonight, texting "love you"

It's really interesting reading all the replies and it's made me do a lot of thinking!

Part of me thinks he lacks the confidence to take the lead sometimes. I have brought up the fact he doesn't initiate sex very much and his response was that he doesn't want me to feel that's all he wants me for.
His last girlfriend had suffered some abuse as a teenager and had issues surrounding sex so they very rarely did it and I don't know if that plays a part in him leaving me to initiate it. Our sex life is very good and he's amazingly attentive to what pleases me so I really have no complaints in that department.

I think I probably just need to do what @LastInTheQueue Suggested and sit and have a talk with him. I do feel like I've unintentionally painted him out to be a lazy twat but in reality I feel his good points outweigh the bad. He works hard and while he may not think to surprise me with grand gestures, he's booked time off work and planned a couple of days out for us to do with the kids next week while they're on half term without me asking (trying to get their own father to do this is near impossible!) so to me that means a lot.