I want to split because of many little things

[Whatdoidoforever]

mustbethistalltoride.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/

I want to leave my husband and this article exactly explains why.

I have told, ask, begged, explained, but he still continues to not do basic household jobs and it makes me feel like shit every time he "forgets" or "was tired" or "was going to do it later'

It's constant excuses and I'm fed up. But every time I say right, it's over, I can't take it any more he has an excuse again and calms the situation down and I relent and don't force him to move out because really, I would be throwing him out for not doing the dishwasher one night when he was tired and worked late and that's unreasonable. Of me.

What do I do? He's a genuinely good person and father. I just hate living with him.

[Url]mustbethistalltoride.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/[/url]

Show him the article. Then say "I'm done".
You don't have to tolerate living with someone you don't want to live with.
Just crack on with the next phase of your life.

Thank you. I have done. Several times. He says he will go if I really want him to but... and then makes excuses for his lack of contribution.

Big leap ahead.

Exactly the reason things aren't great with me and DP at the moment. No major issues - he has a good job, loves our DD, is fair with money etc.

But he's lazy, would happily live in a pigsty if I didn't clean up, doesn't think to change DD when she needs it, doesn't look after himself - does things like suggests takeaways or going out for meals 3 times a week when he knows I need to lose weight (and so does he) both for physical and mental health. Ignores DD when she wakes up at the weekend and expects me to get her. Lets food get to MONTHS out of date before he chucks it. If I've taken the bedding off to wash it he'll go to bed in the uncovered duvet and pillows. Doesn't put DDs toys away. Is on his phone/computer constantly but can't make time to spend 5 minutes washing up.

I'm far from perfect myself but it's just worn me down now.
Ugh, so so many little things that absolutely infuriate me and make me think we're just incompatible.

Thank you. I have done. Several times. He says he will go if I really want him to but... and then makes excuses for his lack of contribution.

He doesn't change, because you don't go.

You need to tell him seriously that your splitting up and go to see a solicitor to get the ball moving.

He would leave... But he'd have to go and stay with his mum and everyone would know and I don't know how to explain it to the kids and how I'd cope some days as while he's here I can at least hand them over when it all gets too much... It's not bad 'enough' but it kind of is. Argh.

Absolutely RedPanda. My sympathies. Honestly I wish he'd do something that meant I could 'justify' getting him to leave
And I know I am justified but it doesn't feel like it when he says he's trying and everything he does is for me and the kids and I believe him because it's true! But it's not enough. Fuck.

Look, a week with his mum will make her realise how bloody useless he is. And let him tell people that you dumped him because he was impossible to live with. Hopefully he'll learn a lesson and grow up.

Whatever small chance you have that he might change out of self interest, you have very little hope if you don't follow through.
Insist he leaves and goes where ever. Perhaps that will help him focus. He can still parent his children and you will not have his mess.
Maybe he will step up, perhaps he won't, but at least you'll know.
Lazy people are very stressful to live with.

What would you like him to do to justify it? Serious question. He already treats you like a skivvy, and completely disregards your needs/wants/wishes.

He is a manchild. Send him packing back to his mum, it's probably her fault anyway!

I think it's actually OK to regard men like this as at least borderline abusive. He thinks you are his servant. He's happy to sit back and watch you exhaust yourself and get more and more miserable and resentful, as long as he doesn't have to do anything that he considers 'women's work' ie service work.
He knows perfectly well that he is being lazy, selfish and unfair, but in his opinion you are so much less important than him that he's not prepared to make any effort. Unless, maybe, he wants sex.

But the answer lies in your own hands. Why are you allowing him to persuade you each time? He's a slob, you can't stand it, get him gone surely? Why listen to his tired old bullshit every time? He's taking the piss and you are letting him.

poster RedPandaMama. That so7nds like you are living with s teenage lodger rather than a partner. He needs to grow up....I wouldn’t be bothered trying to sort him.

OP If he’s basically ok, can you rake a bit of time out together to tr6 and sort things out.

Could you resolve it another way and get a cleaner. He pays for someone to do his share of the work.

I left my ex for the same reason and sent him that article. He couldn't see the comparison between his behaviour and his lack of respect/appreciation and the article text.
Easiest break up in the world.

I don't think he can see the comparison truly.

We can't afford a cleaner. I actually am a cleaner part time.

He has tried to make an effort these past few days but that basically means he has just about achieved his small contribution to housework, bought me a present, suggested we watch a film together and then initiated sex. I declined. I think he thinks all will be well now however.

I am waiting for DC birthday to be out of the way soon and then I am pretty sure I will ask him to leave.

I think you are wise. He will never get it. Some men never learn the basics of day to day living without a woman to do the wife/mother stuff.

It's interesting that you say he will go back to his mother. He's never going to actually enter the world of adults is he?

You will always feel resentment as he knows exactly how you feel and yet he still doesn't give more than the bare minimum to get a shag.

The fact that you go out cleaning and then come home and have to shift for him is an even bigger kick in the lalas.

@Red..you literally have my list written there&same reasons split us up12 years ago-ive stayed single&highly recommend it as a lifestyle choice. I immedietly had heaps more free time (as id been looking after a giant man-child)i lost4stone id put on during us being together(&kept it off) as he massively resented any suggestion of walking,gym,pool etc..only liked fried foods or junk but did a fantastic job of being this completely different person til DC came along..We morphed into the outdoorsy family i knew i wanted us to be(&i got back to the'me'that had been crushed down for so many years)lucky the DC dont remember him -as he never looked back&remarried within a year..