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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Scared of weekend away

7 replies

numbersixvalverde · 22/05/2019 08:07

I'm 30 and met a guy of 53 about 8 months ago. We instantly hit it off and text each other for hours pretty much every day. We have a lot in common and we've spoken about our wants and needs. We're both open in admitting we've developed feelings for each other and it's amazing to feel like I've found someone who "gets" me. He supports me through my down days and we have a lot of fun together. We're very good at the texting bit, and when we have met up it's been very natural and just like an extension of our conversations. We laugh a lot together. But, BIG but, each time we've met so far we've been with other friends. We have never actually spent any time alone together. Twice I've cancelled plans on him to meet up alone and once he's cancelled on me. We've both been a bit cautious but now does feel like it's about time we stopped hiding behind our phones and moved this into the "real world".
We've now made plans for in a couple of weeks to go away for the weekend together and, yeah, the plan is we probably will sleep together. God knows we've spoken about it often enough! But I am freaking out about it! It has set my anxiety right off and I feel sick every time I think about the weekend. Not the sex bit neccessarily, I'm fairly sure we're compatible there, just the shift that will inevitably happen to our textual relationship.
I know this is probably a bit daft and you're thinking stop making a drama out of nothing, but any advice to help me calm the hell down and just enjoy him would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
SupaNintendoChalmers · 22/05/2019 08:18

Can you meet him for a shorter meet up before a weekend away? I'd be stressing even more if I'd never spent time alone with someone and our first outing was a whole weekend. Maybe a catch up for a coffee or something alone to break the ice will relieve some of your anxiety?

I'm sure it'll be fine though if that's not possible. Just rip off the bandaid!

NannyRed · 22/05/2019 09:27

I agree with @Supa, arrange to meet up together but without anyone else, just for coffee or wine and see how you feel about him when it’s just you two together, before you commit to a full weekend with him.

Hopefully you’ll still get on great. Have fun.

Omzlas · 22/05/2019 09:46

Definitely try to meet up before, even for a few hours... bowling, meal, cinema etc

Baskerville · 22/05/2019 09:49

God almighty, meet him for a no-stress cup of coffee before you go away with him for a sex weekend!

It would concern me more than neither of you seems to want to spend time alone together, and you both sound quite reluctant to stop having a text conversation. I mean, it's fine to decide you don't want to take this any further, obviously, but better to decide that before you go away for a weekend.

Moralitym1n1 · 22/05/2019 09:53

I agree with definitely needing to meet up before s big weekend away together, thats usually something that happens several months into an established relationship. It's weird to do it without spending time with someone one on one, kissing, sexual contact etc etc.

Secondly 23yrs is a big age gap. You're only 30, why are you going for a man who's almost double your age. How's that going to work in future?
Is he divorced/widowed? Does he have children?

Justmuddlingalong · 22/05/2019 09:54

I think it's weird too. Having not spent any time alone and then making plans for a weekend together seems bizarre. Put the brakes on the weekend until you've got to know each other in person. Without anyone else.

somecakefather · 22/05/2019 13:28

That's a lot of pressure for a first meet up on your own, no wonder you're panicking. Can't you re-arrange for just a night out?

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