"You are married, so you can go back home" fleeing DV

[CheesecakeAddict]

Hi all.
Hopefully someone here can help me. After many incidents and threats I've finally done what everyone told me was the right thing to do and leave my emotionally, financially and physically abusive husband. I have an 18 month old with. But now what? I'm living in a hotel, eating take aways 3 meals a day, and have 50 miles of fuel left in the car and enough clean clothes until Monday. I went yesterday to the council to get emergency accommodation but they refused my application on the basis of having joint tenancy with my husband so I can move back. Even if I did that, and managed to get him removed from the property, 2 things I can guarantee will happen: 1. My husband will go back to his country, and I will never see a penny from him in CM; 2. I will not be able to afford the rent so i will get myself in 1000s of pounds of rent arrears, make impossible for me to then get another rental property and eventually end up losing the property. How is that a solution? My family live 200 miles away, if I live with them (baring in mind I will be moving my 18 month old into the house with my dad who has anger issues and my brother who is a drug addict). It also means I will have to quit my job and I won't find another in this sector near my parents. Our social worker tried to find us a refuge but they are all full. They'll ring me every day to see if a spot becomes available but what am I supposed to do in the meantime? What is the point on telling women to leave abusive husbands and giving up everything if there is nothing in place to help them get back on their feet?

My SIL called and said I should just go to marriage counselling. She persuaded me to stay with him the first time he hit me and trashed the house. Then the second time. Then the third time. She doesn't think he is abusive. 🙄🙄🙄.
I feel so strong standing up to her though. No longer Cheesecake The Doormat! 💪💪

You have done the right thing, don't give in now. Eventually things get better, just keep going even though it's hard.

Don't talk to your SIL. Seriously. She's not your friend.
Roughly how much do you earn? Unless it's loads, you should be entitled to some financial help. There are food banks that you can ask the council to refer you to or some take self referrals. Charities can help with benefits advice.

32k before deductions
I've had a little look and apparently I might be entitled to something from UC. I'm going to have a proper sit through and look at it tomorrow to apply

Can’t offer much help but just want to say GO ON CHEESECAKE 👏👏👏!!! You’ve got this, you’ve taken the hardest step and made the best and bravest move for you and your DD and you WILL get through this.

When you’re going through hell, keep bloody going! X

Block your SIL. You do not need this shit right now. She is so wrong.

Glad you got a kick out of standing up to her though

The NCDV should have got you an Occupational Order to remove your partner from the house (regardless of tenancy) and to keep him away for 30 days, enabling you to have him removed from the tenancy. They could also have got you an injunction.

If you apply for Universal Credit, be sure to ask for the initial advance! It's a whole month's worth of payments in advance and you o my pay it back in instalments x

OP stay strong. As others have suggested go to CAB for advice. If he does go back to his home country you might still be able to pursue him for CM... look at REMO https://www.gov.uk/remo-unit-helpline REMO helps enforce maintenance orders internationally in participating countries. Good luck and stay safe

Hi all. So I've applied for UC, I'm in my own flat and been feeling on a high for the past 2 days. I'm starting to hit a wall though now. He has been refusing to pay towards dd so I got CMA involved today. I text him this morning saying I couldn't drop dd off on Sunday because no money for petrol, so instead let's meet in the middle. Now he's messaged back saying he will go fill up the car for me if I do bring dd for his visit on Sunday. I can't decide whether he is trying to make amends or if this is another form of control. If he were paying for his daughter, I wouldn't need to worry about my petrol

This is not a man who makes amends
Everything he does he does for his own benefit
He is trying to control you
do not negotiate with him

Don't let him take your car. You don't know if he'd try to put a tracker in it or something like that. Keep him out of your space.

WHy can't he send you money in advance if he wants to pay the fuel cost?

Hang on

Re visits

You should now be pushing for supervised visits

Get legal advice ASAP

So he is only allowed supervised visits.
So he wants me to walk 1 hour to the meeting place, where he will meet me and pay for my train ticket for a 30 min trip into London. Pay for a meal and day out for me then to do another 30 mins train journey back to the halfway point where I then have to walk the 1 hour back home.
He is refusing to pay child maintenance so I am going through that process but he has enough money to pay for a big meal and train tickets to London!!! I've sent off application for UC but I have to have an interview because my current address is different to my driving license address (I've only been here since Thursday!) and then I won't be paid for 5 to 6 weeks. Fuck him!!!