How to deal with gifts from cut off relatives

[highlandsprung]

If you’ve cut contact from your family do you accept gifts. These gifts are for my dc. I separated my dc from my family because i was abused and it’s only since I had my dc I could see how badly I’d been abused by my family. My mother called me naked in front of my dc and was saying things to make me look bad in front of my preschool dc. I cut them all off in the end.

My mother has always gotten me to buy my dc a present from her and put her name on it as she’s too tight to buy them anything herself. This year since we’re not speaking (and I don’t want to speak again tbh) so she drops a present through the door for my dc.
I don’t know what to do with it. I know I won’t be contacting my family about it but not sure if to drop it back to their house.

Hi highlandsprung!

It sounds like a very complicated situation and I feel for you so much especially when there are children involved. If you are not completely comfortable with accepting the gift send it back or donate it.. when I was pregnant I had stopped speaking to my mum as she is very controlling and manipulative, I knew I would not be able to not speak to her as we work at the same office and company (she is in management) and if my family told her that I was pregnant or people from work told her, she would approach me at work and make a massive scene so DP and I spoke to her and advised her how it would be going forward, she has pushed the barrier a lot and she still winds me up to this day but I just need to keep firm.

The reason i mentioned it was because I also don’t speak to my auntie (mum’s sister) and I have not done so for 4 years, she is a drug user and she can be quite aggressive towards family if they don’t see things her way.. my mum gave her my new address where I live with DP and DD, I was furious at my mum for opening that door without speaking to me first and when I had pretty much solidly closed it. My action was to thank my auntie kindly for the gift but be honest and say I would not be accepting it as I did not want and I do not want my children to have any kind of relationship with her.

Do you want the children to still have a relationship with her or not?

Drop it back round hers with a note saying unwanted.

Tell her you don't want anything from her for your child and it's being donated to a charity shop.

Stay NC and drop gift at charity shop. No need to start new conversations or let her back in.

Thanks all. I don’t even want to risk seeing her tbh
I think best thing is indeed to give to charity. I don’t want her to have a relationship with my dc as I think it’s too late now.

We sent them back return to sender. It didn’t encourage them to contact us more and eventually the gifts stopped. I didn’t want them having the satisfaction that we kept them and somehow they were weaselling their way in. It was very effective.

Good point @mindutopia that is very much like my mother to get to me. She’s been contacting everyone that knows me and it’s been quite embarrassing as she’ll ask them to meet her for a coffee randomly (people she’s never met with before) and then go on about how hard done by she is and how nobody likes her now I’ve said things about her, I’ve not said anything about her.

Mil sent a birthday gift for ds after not seeing him for 8 months - her choice. We moved and she sent a gift. Sent it back recorded delivery.. Fil rang all put out that she was crying.
Crocodile tears.
Had nc since.