Dilemma

[Crowne]

In brief I have been split from wife for 3 years, new girlfriend for 12 months

I have a ds with my ex 7 years old

ds has sports day coming up, ex does not want new girlfriend there as she said she would be uncomfortable, awkward and it would spoil her day watching her ds

New girlfriend wants to come, I would like her there and so would my ds, although ds also wouldn't be worried if she wasn't

I can appreciate it would be awkward probably for everyone, particularly my ex, she doesn't have a new partner and she hates my girlfriend, although doesn't know her

I do not want to deliberately upset anyone but either way, someone is going to be upset

Your thoughts

Show your ex wife a bit of respect...not your girlfriends place after only 12 months...you could be toast by this time next year....

Ugh no it's not girlfriends place yet at all!

Why does your girlfriend want to go to sports day? Seriously, why?

To be seen, that's why. To affirm her position as your girlfriend in a very public place. It's not to admire your DS sporting prowess or to support him.

I remember those occasions, I used to feel sick with anxiety about ex being there with OW/new woman. It meant I hated events that should have been lovely. But he did it anyway, and 20 years on I've still not forgiven them for that.

Show some compassion and go alone/with ex, give your ex wife a chance to enjoy an event for your shared child without anxiety.

someone is going to be upset

That someone should be the person with no legal connection to the child whose sports day it is.

Let your ex enjoy her child's school events and let your child have a stress free day.

You girlfriend can enjoy her own children's days, when the time comes.

Very much agree with PP.
Also, if you do get to the point where it's appropriate for your ex wife and girlfriend to meet, because your GF is spending more time with your daughter, then let it be privately and neutrally - don't make your ex have to do that in public/ in front of all the school mums.

Don't take girlfriend, these things take time, it's still early days. Let your child just have two parents there.

Don't bring the girlfriend for goodness sake. It's not her place and the only reason she wants to go is to make a public show of ownership over you and your DS in front of his mum, her friends and the teachers who have known her for years. What shitty behaviour of you to consider enabling this.

I’d take ur gf. I know pp are not in agreement with me but you’ve been separated for years now and you’ve moved on.

It would also be good for ur ex to meet new gf. Perhaps then she’d stop hating her and accept her place in ur child’s life

@klendraa
Why does the GF need to meet the ex W In such a public place? This is about the child's sports day after all.
OP be sensible.

There is no need whatsoever for your girlfriend to be there. Why is she so desperate to go? To show the ex that she's got you now?

@shatteredandstressed

To me it’s better to meet with the distraction of a sports day rather than at dinner or something quite structured.

@CarolDanvers
Why is she so desperate to go? To show the ex that she's got you now?

She’s part of the child’s life now. Your second statement is just silly- stop projecting.

Sports Day is hellishly boring even when your own precious mini-Olympian is competing. Going to watch someone else's sprog is completely ridiculous. GF is being silly.

Thanks for people's views.

I genuinely don't believe my gf wants to go there for the reasons suggested. She gets on very well with my ds and would like to go and watch him do his sports day, like I have watched her children at their sports day.

So the consensus seems to be this is not a good idea for now, but I think my ex is always going to feel like this. I will just have to hope things will improve.