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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating struggle. When will he ask for second date.

28 replies

Josss27 · 21/05/2019 20:46

So i went on a very fun and random first date sunday night. I had fun but unlike every other date i had i was much more reserved and awkward because unlike the past 8 dates ive had this year i actually liked this guy, i was aware i was being awkward but literally could not switch it off. He asked how my dating life was and i gave a daft answet i said ive been on a few dates this year but im very fussy and i dont go on second dates to which he replied saying you shouldnt settle and i agreed he then said that mabey we should go for coffe next time and that he wouldnt take offence if i said no. I just smiled and didnt say a word. What i wanted to say in my head was yes but i couldnt say it out loud because i wasnt sure if he was just saying it or actualy meant it. He texted me later that night saying he had a nice time and arrived safely at home. Its tuesday i sent him first text yesterday ....he replied late and i replied even later which he replied today. Our chat was very brief. Does this sound bad or good? Im literally dying for him to message me! All the other guys i was wishing they didnt message me. I hate this so much. Should i just wait it out? Ahh.

OP posts:
Thisismyusernamefornow · 21/05/2019 20:47

No, put yourself out there and try to arrange a second date. Then you'll have your answer either way.

Femalebornandbreed · 21/05/2019 20:51

Oh goodness I bet you were hard work! So you basically blanked his text on Sunday and waiting till yesterday. That text was to see how intrestef you are.

Text him back and say ‘hey shall we go for another drink?

Don’t play games. If you like him let him know.

whatthehe11 · 21/05/2019 21:02

If you like him text him. You have to put yourself out there. I know someone that "won't chase" (she wouldn't dream of sending a text and putting herself out there as she believes it is on the guy to do everything), is about to turn 50 and has never had a relationship that has lasted more than a few months. It was meeting her that made me realise you sometimes have to push outside your comfort zone. Good luck!

Josss27 · 21/05/2019 21:15

Definetly out of my comfort zone. I was in a relationship for 6 years (im 27 now) so this is totally different compared to my wild younger days. Ive never worried about a second date until now. I sent the last message. He hasnt responded, there wasnt a question but could have replied easily. Should i wait until he messages again and then ask for second date? Or just send a second message? My stomach is actually turning thinking about this. Didnt know this was a thing. My gosh.

OP posts:
Ash559 · 21/05/2019 21:19

Christ you do seem like hard work.

Thisismyusernamefornow · 21/05/2019 21:20

Just send another message and ask to meet up. It's really not any more difficult than that.

You can do it!

Femalebornandbreed · 21/05/2019 21:22

27 and remembers wild younger days...

EmmaC78 · 21/05/2019 21:23

I would also say you should text and suggest another date. Life is short so just go for it.

Josss27 · 21/05/2019 21:30

Lol thanks everyone for clarifying that i am indeed hard work. God please let this man reply with an amazing response.

OP posts:
Yutes · 21/05/2019 21:35

If you like him, don’t play games. Dating doesn’t need to be hard. There are no rules.

Tbh you’ve not really given him any indication you’ve liked him back due to not replying when he said he had a nice time.

If you really want a second date then suggest one and see what he says. If he says nothing then the trail has went cold.

justkeepnamechanging · 21/05/2019 21:51

Good luck. Normally I would say wait but seeing as you gave off such vibes of not ever going on second dates and also being cold with messaging after, clearly this guy doesn't want to even ask you again. I hope you can suggest a coffee and he'll agree to it, but if not it's just a lesson that you need to be a bit more open to people. Think about what you say to someone - especially if you like them. This is a big lesson in being a bit clearer about what you want and certainly don't talk about never going on second dates if you actually like the person you're on a date with.

Josss27 · 21/05/2019 21:59

This is totally out my comfort zone but I feel like i gave you a vibe that i was totally disinterested and didnt reply when you mentioned going for a coffee... trying to not be awkward led to me being more awkward. But just want to clarify/ actually respond that i would like to see you again

Is this okay or am i going in too deep?

OP posts:
Mycatatetherat · 21/05/2019 22:03

Too deep! Be breezy "when are we having that coffee then?"

keepingbees · 21/05/2019 22:09

I agree it sounded like you were hard work on the date, don't be even harder work now by telling him your inner feelings. As others have said just send a breezy text asking about a second date. You can explain yourself more if you get that far. Good luck!

Josss27 · 21/05/2019 22:09

Sent. Ahhhhhh im dying. Just casualy asked when are we having that coffee then. Dying.

OP posts:
churchthecat · 21/05/2019 22:10

Bloody hell OP don't send that!

Just ask if he fancies a pint at the weekend.

keepingbees · 21/05/2019 22:11

Don't be dying what's the worst that can happen Grin

Josss27 · 21/05/2019 22:14

Thank you everyone. Now i have a second date. Haha.

OP posts:
pieohmy · 21/05/2019 22:23

@Josss27
Yay. What did he say?

Josss27 · 21/05/2019 22:27

That he wants to meet thursday :)

OP posts:
keepingbees · 21/05/2019 22:30

Yay well done. Come back and give us the gossip please Grin

Ash559 · 21/05/2019 22:58

Do you fancy him?

Mycatatetherat · 21/05/2019 23:12

Yay you sent my text and got success!!

Chocmallows · 21/05/2019 23:28

You like him, he likes you...now relax, smile, chat and try not to stress!

Josss27 · 23/05/2019 21:14

It was okay.... i am fussy and trying not to be. But felt like something was missing and his look reminded me a bit of my ex.... personality wise much better. There was nothing wrong just a bit disappointed. Feel like he felt the same. Open to a third date but wouldnt be bothered if he doesnt ask.

OP posts:
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