Tiny little lie - what next

[Mycatatetherat]

I've been with bf 6 months. It is the nicest, most fun, most loving and happiest relationship I have ever been in. I'm divorced but had lots of lovely relationships prior to marriage so this relationship is particularly good, not just less shit than previous shit, iyswim.

However today I discovered a tiny, insignificant lie. The lie was because he hadn't wanted to say no to me about something. I do not overreact if he says no, just for context, in fact I think more of people who are assertive and say no when they mean no.

Instead he lied and I found out. I left his and came home. He is very apologetic, feels stupid, etc. Says he will "look at himself" because he wants me to trust him.

Now I've calmed down and am trying to be objective about it all. I don't want to end things but also don't want to sweep it under the carpet and carry on.

How would you deal with this?

I think the crazy has come out to play on your thread OP, complete with gaslighting.

I would hate this too. An actual grown up should be able to say they need to chill out and have decided to head home. I guess you've had an insight into one of his flaws. So far he's used you as he excuse and next blamed his ex. I think realistically I would step back a bit and watch him from a distance - see what else you have been missing.

Thank you, thought I was going mad there!
Totally agree that I should step back and see if there's other things I've been missing. Funny because just the other day I was thinking this man is too good to be true.

God I lie all the time , I took an afternoon off work to watch Netflix but don't say in case I'm asked to mow the lawn etc

I would be pissed at this. And not too sure I would get over it. You’re going to be looking for holes in his stories now.

I don't know why people are giving you a hard time, OP. I wouldn't like being lied to either - seems a bit weird. But I can also see how this one could have happened. Think it probably counts as a white lie, and sounds like he's learned from the mistake.

God I lie all the time , I took an afternoon off work to watch Netflix but don't say in case I'm asked to mow the lawn etc

Sorry but the desperation in this post made me chuckle😂

OP personally I’d let this one go if everything else is alright. I can see why a pp might say any adult should be able to say they need alone time but it’s also still relatively early days, and it can be quite difficult to essentially say ‘I cba to see you’ in a nice way.

Well if he says it’s how his ex made him feel then it may have been a reflex reaction,

We have all done that, I used to do that after being in that type of relationship.

I would let it go, but be wary of other situations. No one else has been in anyone else’s shoes. Like the overly insecure person or the person who bites at everything because of previous experiences

We would all be saints if we came into every new relationship and managed to discard how the past has affected us.

But it is good to be on guard.

Also no one is too good to be true. We are all humans with many many faults.

True @justbreathing and I suspect I have my guard up very high because of what happened in my marriage and I understand nobody is flawless but I keep thinking if I let this go he'll just hide the next lie better?
I am very honest with him and have told him several times "no I can't see you tonight I need an early night" or "I've been neglecting a friend so am going to see her instead", I feel he should have taken my cue and been honest.

I can understand why the lying would make you angry, I would feel the same but it does seem like he was genuine in his reasoning. I would let it go and tell him in future you'd rather he be truthful. Just keep an eye on the little white lies in case it is more than a one off.

God I lie all the time , I took an afternoon off work to watch Netflix but don't say in case I'm asked to mow the lawn etc
*

^^
I love this

Let this one go. You say it's a great relationship otherwise. He's sorry, you've made your point, hopefully that'll be the end of it.

Poor sod!
Maybe he feels he has to tell a white lie because being upfront causes so much hassle.
From reading the posts it just seems way too intense.
The truth is you don't trust him and perhaps you're looking for faults?

His lie really isn’t a big deal but it’s obviously triggered a big reaction in you. I think that’s what you should be questioning, not the lie.

Meh
I'd probably tell this kind of white lie to a boyfriend because I need a lot of alone time and would feel rude or rejecting by telling him that. I don't see that as a big deal at all.

And I'd never lie about important things. I am scrupulously honest when it comes to things like who I'm seeing and when. But a lie to cover needing an evening to myself would be fine in my moral code.

Yeah but he’s not you! So you’ve decided he should behave how you think is a good way. And it just doesn’t work like that. I would say that’s a Red flag from you!

Everyone makes errors of judgment.

Most people here are saying let it go. In fact I think you have some serious issues for this to be so important to you. Most people would be a bit miffed. And if it happened again would say no thanks to this relationship.

You see hell bent on making more of this than it is. I strongly suggest you need to work out your own issues.

Jist because you’ve told someone how to behave, doesn’t mean they will or have to.

I think he lied because he didn't want you to think he didn't want to be with you.

When you found out you could have simply said "I like time to myself too, so next time just say as it's a shame I had to hear a lie". Then leave it with him to be honest next time without making more of one lie.