Hello I feel so confused and I don’t know where to turn to. I used to be so sure and confident in my thinking and value myself and over the years I feel so eroded and just don’t know any more. I’m hoping someone can help me make sense of it. I’m sorry if this ends up being so long.
I was in a relationship for 10 years with someone. It was a genuinely good relationship, we got on very well and I think we were very well suited. In the end , we broke up for 3 main reasons and it still hurts me very much now. The first was because my partner’s family who he was very close to disapproved of me ( different culture), the second was that he constantly said we would get married and we never did and the third and this is really the biggest reason for me was that he always promised to help me buy my own place - I have no family and no security and when I was younger I was moved around a lot from pillar to post. He knows all this and the huge anxiety it creates in me and has always said he would help - however the truth is when it came to it, he never did. I work full time and have severe MH issues and these three things really took their toll on me.
Despite it all and I know how it can look on paper, the relationship was a very loving one. He was a huge support to me in almost every other area of my life and helped me in lots of ways. I now have a significant amount of savings as a result of him helping me and instilling in me what I needed to do. He’s never asked for anything back and has never thrown it in my face about how much he’s helped me.
I rent alone and I worry a lot for my future if I cannot afford my own place. For the last year I met someone else and have been in a relationship with them. It’s been very volatile but recently it’s settled down. I’ve been thinking more and more that I really need to buy my own place - I know it would give me security and what I need and my MH would improve significantly. Unfortunately although I have a significant amount of savings now it’s still not enough.
My ex partner has offered to help me with my deposit by giving me a lot of it. I know this time he would do it and there is no obligation on my part to him. I think he has seen me suffer and wants to help and see me move on with my life. If I was single, I would gladly accept. However I’m
Feeling highly anxious because of my current partner. He knows how much I want to Buy a place and has been asking how much I earn, how much I have in savings and saying to me he should sit down with me and see how much I can afford etc. It’s not that I don’t trust him but I don’t want to have these conversations with him but I can’t make up my mind whether I’m being unreasonable or not and pushing him
Away. He would never approve of my ex partner giving me this money and I feel like I shouldn’t accept it because of that. But the truth is I’m not even sure whether this relationship with him will last or not and I just feel so upset or worried st the moment.
If I don’t accept this help from my ex partner it may be another 5-10 years before I can buy a place and I honestly don’t know how I will last that long but maybe I just should.
Thank you if you’ve got to the end of this