Omg!! I'm guna kill him!!! Need advice!

[loz1986]

Right so me and my husband are having a rocky patch.. we had crisis talks last week. At Xmas he went out with his mates ( he does this a lot, this was just a specific and bad event) ..come home being aggressive and pushing me about in front of the kids so I phoned the police on him. We got back together after a lot of grovelling a month later. We discussed his behaviour because he's like this when he goes out with his mates, he will drink for 12 hours and then doesn't come home and forgets the arguing... I am no wall flower I cannot and will not let him speak to me like crap! Drunk or not!
Anyway he made promises about going out... I'll take the car,won't drink blah blah etc..since then he has not stopped going on about going out and making people feel sorry for him like I'm a dragon! I've had enough, 15 years together and two kids.. always the same old!
So anyway the crisis talks went better than I expected he seemed to be quite receptive... fast forward to today! Just gets a phone call from my uncle who he works for.. oh Lauren btw Your husband is coming Magaluf with all the lads from work I'm paying, don't worry I'll keep an eye on him! 😡😡😡😡
I'm so sick of this crap! I'm 35 .. he's 36 and yet he's a child, I can't believe he's done this behind my back when we spoke about calling it quits just last week! To top it off my nana who is my favourite person and best friend is dying and he pulls this. My heads done in.. what do I do?? I feel like I've done it all and I'm still here again and again 😢😢😢

Leave him. He won't change and your life will be so much better without him. As will the DCs.

Given that he has already been violent you should not think twice about it

What about what your kids need? Do they deserve to live in this warzone on a loop?

My husband can be like this. Always has to go to socials with mates and seems to be the last man standing. Can drink all day and act normal, if I try and pull him away I am demonised like I am trying to control him. Not that I can see he’s had way too much and needs to sober up!
We’ve had some absolute stinking rows following him drinking. None violent but he had a nasty way about him all the same.
I’d feel so pissed off if he planned to go on a stag without running it by me to see if it wasn’t going to clash with our family life. I think what I find most annoying is the fact your OH is acting like a bachelor, making decisions as though he’s only himself to think about. I’ve no specific advice because I’ve experienced similar and yet I am still with my husband.. I’ve found the more of a deal I make of it the worse he gets, like he wants a reaction from me.
The other night he went out all day with mates on a coach trip. After a squabble arranges to come home after, than I anticipated phones me to ask if he can stay a mates for drinks. He’s 31.. he acts like he’s 21 sometimes! I just said fine, whatever. And the next day he got a lift home and was pleasant alllll day. Did loads of chores etc.. well worth me not kicking off.
So f’in annoying though when they make plans without running by you. Selfish.. immature..
sorry for the rant! But I get how you’re feeling, I really do!

Tell him to stay in Magaluf. He sounds horrendous.

what did you say to your uncle/nephew?

If he’s in Magaluf you won’t have to deal with the drunk version of him, I hate my husband going out drinking because he behaves the same as yours when he gets home. Personally I love it when he goes on stag do’s or stays somewhere else overnight he gets to have fun and I don’t have to deal with it.

Mushlett - yes agree. If he’s in magaluf then he’s someone else’s problem! Not great he can’t be honest, but I know my husband has agreed to things with mates without telling me, his mates bring it up and then I say, we can’t weve got xyz that weekend and he then pulls out or maybe he’s previsionally agreed but not had chance to run it by you yet? Haha.. trying to be hopeful here lol
I definitely think the less I get involved the better. My oh always makes up for it if I let him go on these stag do’s or nights out.. in fact it’s when he’s most fucking pleasant!
Only thing that worries me if the violence. Be careful x

Did you use your actual name in the post OP?
In relation to your husband, I would be asking myself when is enough enough? You sound worn down. And almost defeated. My EH used to do whatever he pleased. Not always in relation to alcohol but mostly his social life and family. Always put them first and never me. He would push me around whenever I objected. Despite this we stayed together 10 yrs and it was catching him cheating that was the final straw.
If I were you I would be wondering how much worse does it have to get for you to realise you are worth more then the way he treats you and his children.

Thanks for the advice ladies, it's also good to know I'm not alone! I feel defeated, I think I need to call it a day, I've put so much energy in and I get nothing back. It will probly be hard but my kids deserve better, plus I have two boys and I don't want them thinking that's how u treat your wife, my eldest already resents him.. it's time to make a change I rek x

Good luck OP. Sounds like you've already realised that no good will come from staying in this relationship.

Let him go pack at leisure

YANBU if you’ve had enough.

So he had regular binge drinking benders and on return was verbally abusive and - in one instance - violent?

Does he have a drink problem day to day too, or only the binging?

Im so sorry about your nan. That sounds awful for you.

Your DH is a muppet. Get rid. You dont need to live your life on a wave of drama, drinking and violence, and your kids dont deserve thus.

Sorry but you cannot live with this violent bullying behaviour. This is not how a decent man behaves and you would be better off without him

He's a binge drinker but I would say he has a problem coz all he goes on about is the next time he's going out, I'm getting too old for it, I just want a nice meal once a week and if it turns into a night out then happy days but I feel pressured by him n if I don't go out with him he goes out with his mates! Rhhhh he's an absolute 🔔 end

He sounds horrendous. Imagine how much happier you’ll be without him

Tell him he's not coming back when he returns from Magaluf, you and the kid's need to get away from that over grown child.

I think it’s time for you to put you and your children first.
Let him go to magaluf and take the opportunity to tell him he won’t be coming back, at any time, it’s over.
Get the ‘uncle’ who is taking him to shagaluf, help him move out!
Why would he agree to this knowing how you feel already?
It is hard to accept that things are over and defeated it the best word I have heard for the feeling. But, there are supposed to be 2 adults in the relationship, not 1 adult, 2 kids and a man Child!

Perhaps he can have a divorce party while he’s there!

I wish you well with your journey x

Hahaha a divorce party! I like that one 🤣🤣🤣

We discussed his behaviour because he's like this when he goes out with his mates, he will drink for 12 hours and then doesn't come home and forgets the arguing... I am no wall flower I cannot and will not let him speak to me like crap!

But you already have, apparently on multiple occasions.
he goes out, gets lashed, comes back treats you like shit, you tell him you won't stand for it. Then he does it again.

He sounds like a right loser. Give him to his seedy little boozeup in Magaluf (is he 17 FFS?) and don't look back.