Was I right to be annoyed?

[Puzzled32]

Met someone through dating apps. Seemed to click really well and arranged to go out. Before then had a few phone calls etc and at one point he offered to pop in for a quick brew as he was in the area, so he did.

Date night came about and he said there had been an issue and he'd been held up, this kept getting later and then eventually he said did I just want to go to his or him come to me for a takeaway. I ended up getting a bit annoyed really as I felt this was potential for him to just be looking for one thing. He apologised profusely and insisted that wasn't what it was about, said he likes me and just wanted to make sure he could still see me and hes really sorry if it's come across wrong.

I haven't replied to his last apology and haven't spoken to him again since (couple of days) and now I'm sat here worrying if I've been too harsh. My last relationship was really toxic and abusive so my boundaries are all over the place. WIBU?

Yes you were being harsh by ignoring him but its good that you have your standards. I think you should have cancelled once it got too late and rearranged.

I don’t think you were wrong for setting boundaries and making it clear that you won’t be messed around however I do think it’s rude to ignore someone

You either need to apologise for ignoring him but admit you were concerned of his intentions but you’d like to restart (be prepared for him to say no) or you accept it might be too late and just leave it.

Thing is sometimes things do come up. What was his reason for changing the plan anyway?

I think it depends on what his excuse was for running later and later.
But stick with your boundaries.

What was his excuse? He's effectively stood you up so it's right to be annoyed, and then for him to turn it to a home visit is a bit off.

So really it's down to what was his excuse for not fronting up?

He plays cricket and it went on longer than he'd thought it would apparently.

I like to think of myself as quite reasonable and i appreciate that things come up. It was just turning it into a home visit that just got my back up I guess. I tried to say it was ok and we would just rearrange but he kept saying I didn't sound like it was 'ok' so eventually I told him that I was annoyed.

Yes the ignoring is bad I guess. He had been very apologetic and trying to explain himself and I was initially replying to explain why it came across as it did, but then eventually just ran out of things to say when he said sorry again. Was planning to reply a bit later as I ended up going to meet some friends to salvage my evening but still didn't really know what to say!

Aha - well that is quite feasible then.
You cannot predict the length of a cricket match with accuracy.
And if he's playing then he can't just bugger off.
Maybe just respond thanking him for his apology and see what happens from there.

That's possibly a difficult one as cricket matches do go on and it's hard to walk away if you're playing and let everyone down, but he should have said to them I need to go, can we postpone the match. I'm not sure to be honest, that's a difficult one.

You're in the right. He smacks of someone who can't be arsed to take you out, so expects you to play host. Sod that in the early days!

I'm not sure that's fair as he invited her to his,,..

I think you were sensible not to have him round or go to his - you barely know the guy, it's really soon for "a night in" and I wouldn't want to set that as a precedent so early on.

Do you want to see him again?

I think you did the right thing. If he really felt bad, he'd have moved the original date plans to your next free evening, not tried to switch to a cosy shag night in. Plus pushing you until you admitted you were annoyed is a bit off.

I'm sure blokes see online-dating apps as a carousel of free, easy sex. It's really hard not to think that he thought he'd get a bunk up by changing plans to a late-night takeaway.

So again, I think you did the right thing. Men know when they're being cheeky fuckers, they do. And he was.

Bluntness100 he can't really ask them to postpone the match, 21 other players +umpires, score keepers etc aren't going to change the time just because he has a date he wants to go on! If it's a league it has to be played when it is played.

I would have just rearranged. You're not wrong for having boundaries and not letting them be overstepped. I wouldn't want someone in my home for a first date either.

@Bluntness100

Aye, but it's all a bit too cosy, too soon. Nice to wine and dine each other in the early days, and way too early to be in each other's homes anyway.

Great boundaries, and great spotting of a flaky character, OP. You have nothing to be worried about - not too harsh as you don't even know him. He could have re-arranged early doors, but no, thought you'd hang on and hang on and then be so desperate to see him you'd 'Netflix and chill'.

You've lost nothing, and kept your self-respect intact and your barr set appropriately high. Well done.

but he should have said to them I need to go, can we postpone the match

That's one of the most bizarre things I've ever read on MN.