I can't see how life will look like post November 2019

[LuxSydney]

Hi all,

So I am getting married toward the end of October this year, we are then going on a week long honeymoon straight afterwards. At this point I just can't see what life will be like once we are married!

I can't imagine it will be that different? We live together already for example. I don't really have high expectations of marriage as such but everyone else seems to think I am in for a major change

For example - My sis has a studio flat in Nice, we go on holiday there together once a year for a short break, maybe 4 days or so. My mum said to me the other day ''oh well, you better enjoy this last trip with your sister as it will probably be the last time'' (??!!)

I spoke to my fiance about this and he said - ''What, but I would never stop you from going?'' Does my mum think that I'm going to be chained to the house post marriage?

I have a 9 to 5 career but also have an ad/hoc job which takes up 2 evenings a week and I go abroad with it maybe 2 or 3 times a year (1 x week long trips)
SO many people have said ''Oh, well once you get married are you going to give up the ad/hoc job?''

Erm, why? Again, I went to my fiance and said would you have any problem with me carrying on with my ad/hoc job and travelling with it 2 or 3 times a year? Again, he said no, aslong as I am happy doing my ad/hoc job, I can carry it on for as long as it works for me

Essentially, I don't really have any high expectations for marriage, I just feel like we will carry on as we are in most respects but, I suppose what I want to know is,

Is there anything I can expect from the first year of marriage, is there any big surprises coming my way? Thankfully, mostly due to this board we have spoken indepth about all forseeable ''major'' issues regarding expectations....I think!
So, any tips for the first year of marriage please.
Thank you

If you already live together then no, nothing will change. Which is a good thing if you’re happy enough with someone to be marrying them!

People have some weird old fashioned ideas I think, probably from the days where people married after a short courtship and moved in together on their wedding day. These days there’s no real practical difference between marriage and cohabiting other than legally.

The only thing I’ve heard is a friend who married saying that being married made them work harder on their relationship and that there’s almost something a bit magical about that ring, looking down at it during hard times and it making them even more determined to resolve issues than they were before marriage. But not everyone wears a ring and there’s nothing to say cohabiting couples aren’t as dedicated as married ones.

It's not getting married that changes things, especially if you were already living together beforehand.

It's having children that forces change.

You'll write your name wrong for the first two months, and it takes ages to adjust to your new signature. Assuming you're changing your name. If you're not - then very little else will suddenly shift! You have more security married, but it isn't going to suddenly change your day to day life. No idea why people keep telling you it will.

Yeah, once the novelty of the wedding and 'being married' wears off (after the honeymoon) it'll be the same as now. As a pp said, having babies is what shifts your world on it's axis!

for the older generation it was more usual for the woman to give up work once they got married to become a housewife and then a mother.
Unless you are marrying a millionaire then most people dont 'give up' work when they get married, as PPs have said when you have kids is the big change and even then some people manage without any changes

Well your thread title said "cant" Which is it?

I think people are gently suggesting they expect you to have kids next. Then things will probably change. But marriage wont change the way you are if you dont want it to

Yep, agree with the posters above, if you're already living together then having kids is the big game-changer, not marriage. I think the biggest change I remember was getting my new bank card in my married name - not really earth-shattering but there you go!
That said, you might want to plan something nice for your first Christmas as a married couple - help head off any pre-wedding come-down.

*Sorry, post-wedding come-down, rather.

Having kids is the game changer. That's what might make you rethink work and holidays and stuff. People probably are assuming you're going to try for a baby straight away.

I don't get it either. Maybe if you have kids things will change but otherwise nothing will change.

You'll write your name wrong for the first two months, and it takes ages to adjust to your new signature
Why would you change your name?

Well this is reassuring if anything else!

Yes, I am excited about a name change - my current surname is quite hard for native English speakers to pronounce and my new name is a very popular surname so hopefully that will make life easier in a small way

The only thing I’ve heard is a friend who married saying that being married made them work harder on their relationship and that there’s almost something a bit magical about that ring, looking down at it during hard times and it making them even more determined to resolve issues than they were before marriage. But not everyone wears a ring and there’s nothing to say cohabiting couples aren’t as dedicated as married ones

Yes, I can see this happening

I think I may be listening a bit too much to other people then. Whatever works for us as a couple works for us now, there's no need for it to change post marriage!

Marriage is a relative breeze, particularly if already cohabiting etc. It's when you have children that you need to prepare yourself.

It's v v tough and only with open communication and mutual respect can you get through those dark times. I won't go into it more because that's not what you've asked.

Enjoy each other and your freedom 😃

Oh and thank you for the tip about planning something small to look forward to afterwards - I can imagine being a little down temporarily after the wedding.