Justified feelings or being silly

[ikkledudette]

I have been dating a man for 3 months (early days, I know). He has 2 young DC with his STBXW who he co-parents with. In the time we have been together, he has told me about multiple times that he has dropped off flowers and drinks for his ex when she has a headache or isn't feeling well (which seems to happen quite often). He says they are from the kids.

Whilst dating, I have not received flowers of any kind from him. I don't know whether my feelings of slight resentment are justified or not. I've never dated a man with DC before, so unsure what is considered normal behavior and am looking for some advice.

Definitely a possibility red flat. Does he treat well otherwise.?

Its not usual, even in an amicable split. Flowers from the children on Mothers Day and birthdays, yes. But because of a headache?

Also, I dont get why he is telling you this? Especially as he isn't doing the same for you.

I could be wrong, but he may never treat you as equal to his ex, and mother of his kids.

STBXW? Hmmmmm better if it was XW. Should he really be dating yet?

Yes, why is he telling you this? Either to make a point, or completely insensitive. Neither good.

Hmm this would put me off

It’s not normal is it?

I'd not be too happy about that.
He's not let go of the Ex yet.
I'd honestly be running a mile.

He is quite an open person, so not sure if he's telling me because he thinks if he's open, it appears normal?
I have bought a couple of small gifts during our courtship to show I've been thinking of him, but I've not had the same in return. I'm not sure if my expectations are too high. He even forgot to get me a card on my birthday.

I am slightly worried he is still into his ex, even though he tells me he is not as I have asked whether there is a possibility of reconciliation for their DC sake. Basically from what I understand, she had an emotional affair due to not feeling like he was there and then she left after trying reconciliation once before. Oh goodness, as I am writing this, I feel like I am a rebound.

Yeah, this isn’t at all normal and if I were you I’d be out of there, quickly.

I tend to have same opinions bookaholic73., If you feel this so early on.

Not normal. He didn't even give you a birthday card? No excuse.

At best, he's not put his marriage behind him yet - highly likely as he isn't yet divorced.

At worst, he is telling you deliberately to make you uneasy - to have you thinking you aren't as good as the ex-wife, so you will put in more effort and put up with less effort from him, as you try to 'prove yourself worthy'.

Whatever the reason, nope, too much trouble to be bothering with. Maybe tell him to come back when he's properly single if you really like him?

He's still invested in her. She had the EA. He'd still be with her if she hadn't.

It's odd. Where are your flowers??? Nah, I'd be gone.

Couldn’t be bothered with feeling like 2nd best all the time.

Not right. You should be the one getting flowers.

Ok if it was flowers from the kids and he treated you equally or better, fair enough, but he can't even be arsed to buy you a birthday card.

End it. He's into his ex and wants her back. You're just a shag on the way, I'm sorry,

Your expectations are too low. The birthday card alone would make me reconsider and probably dump.

If he bought you cards and flowers etc. it wouldn't matter, but he's telling you about buying them for her as if you're just acquaintances.

I would move on and be with someone who treats you as though you really matter to them!

Basically from what I understand, she had an emotional affair due to not feeling like he was there and then she left after trying reconciliation once before. Oh goodness, as I am writing this, I feel like I am a rebound.

I think he may be trying to show her that "he is there".

I wouldn't expect presents and flowers 3 months in but I would expect something small for my birthday and I wouldn't expect to hear about what he is buying for the wife he isn't yet divorced from. Sorry OP.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply.

You seem to be friend zoned or fwb and she is his lady 🤷🏻‍♀️ This can’t be right .. if he was treating you both the same or some what the same I would say he is just a nice thoughtful guy .. 🤷🏻‍♀️

How long have they been separated?

Sounds like he can't let go. Or maybe doesn't want to. They were a family, maybe he needs some time to come to terms with the relationship ending.

Not normal.

not ok. you need to reconsider your relationship. i dont know if talking to him will help because his actions are speaking louder atm.

Sorry to be blunt but you are the rebound, a distraction untill his wife wants hime back.

Dump him and move on.

Im not sure that I'd be able to date someone who was still buying their ex flowers. Especially an ex that has cheated on him... But then I'm very insecure.

Maybe he's telling you about the flowers to show he's a thoughtful guy?? Maybe he just doesn't do birthday cards? Did he do anything else to mark your birthday?

Maybe you should just say "I've noticed that you buy your ex a lot of flowers and give her a lot of attention. I wonder if that's a sign that you're still into her? '

End it. Not a fucking chance would I be putting up with no birthday card while he's buying his ex flowers for having a headache. He's not over her. And actually him telling you about these displays whilst not treating you nearly as well actually seems like negging to me. Red flags all over this guy.