Okay so I know technically you can’t actually tell me this but I’m hoping if I put my side of things down here someone can advise me whether or not I should keep trying or if you think I’m flogging a dead horse.
So I’ve been with dp for 8 years and have 2 dc (6 and 5). First wasn’t planned at all, we were only together 7 months when I got pregnant.
Any way, we’ve had issues off and in for years, he drinks too much imo. He’s not the most helpful around the house and although he does things around the house, cooks dinner when I’m out (just for kids, and mostly on the nights I’m at the gym), tidies a little in the kitchen/living room, but it’s mostly if I am away for a night. He doesn’t really do much around the house, but when he does the place is like a show home.
So we’ve very recently came back from holiday and to say it was a bit of a disaster puts it lightly. We went for an event so we were there with friends. All he wanted to do was drink with his friends, he booked a thing for us to do on a day when I asked him not too (was in too much pain from sun burn and just asked him to give me a day to let it heal a little more), this thing could have been done any day so wasn’t limited to that day, he never listened to what I said, if he was going to bar and asked me what I wanted he would get me something completely different or nothing at all.
When trying to get us all ready for going outside I had to tell him what to do as he would just lie about and most of the time I would just do it myself as he wouldn’t bother.
I tried to discuss his drinking after the first day but he just wouldn’t talk to me, I don’t try to nag him but I always feel that way as no matter what I try to discuss with him he always seems so uninterested and says okay. He said something the following morning and I said don’t forget our discussion and he made a remark that it isn’t a discussion, which I agreed with as a discussion is when 2 people communicate.
On the night the event took place (bear in mind I had said to him to go out with his friends alone the night before the event as with kids it wasn’t going to be a big drinking thing for us) he was so drunk that I was so embarrassed by his behaviour, I had to actually take the kids away from him and on the coach back I had to remind him a lot that his child was beside him and to grow up.
That’s just some example from the holiday.
We’ve been home a few days, I had a doctor appointment on Friday and needed him to drive as I was having a minor procedure thing and when I came back from my sisters he was already drinking, it was 1pm. I sent him a message Friday night explaining how I feel, saying I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet as I wasn’t sure what I want. We’ve barely spoke since, he’s slept on the sofa and I just feel so bloody awkward.
I was hoping to wait it out to see if he would come to me to discuss our future but I don’t see that happening and I can’t live in this environment any longer. (I know I said I wasn’t ready to talk, so I’m aware he’s probably giving me space which I suppose is nice, but I just want him to show me something that he cares, but I know I can’t expect that as I’ve said I wasn’t ready to talk and he’s probably waiting for me to be ready.)
I’ve realised this probably doesn’t make any sense at all, but I’m just so confused. We’ve had the same discussions multiple times about the exact same things and nothing changes, so I don’t know why I think this time will be different.
I can’t accept the relationship as it is, I can’t accept the way he is, the lack of talking, the drinking. I suppose I’ve most likely answered my own question.
I don’t want to be single though, I really do love him but I feel like I make him miserable, which makes me an awful mum as I snap so quick at the kids which isn’t fair.
God some one help me