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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

One year on

17 replies

user1494588420 · 19/05/2019 18:13

One year ago today my life totally changed. My now ex partner told me he wasn't happy and wanted out of the relationship we had been together 14 years. We had 2 DDS. My head just raced, how would I cope alone, how would I keep a roof over my kids heads ? To keep it simple he struggled with depression since I met him but flat out refused to get help. I found that if he wouldn't get help I would try and take every bit of stress off him so I did all childcare, cooking,cleaning. I went to family events alone as he didn't like people ( he had no problem going out with his own friends). I never told him of any stresses or worries I had as not to bother him. So with him saying he was leaving was a massive kick in the teeth!!
Now 365 days on me and my girls come first. We are happier than ever without the black cloud over us. I have a full time job which I love and colleagues that are massively amazing. Me and the girls are even booked up on a nice holiday abroad soon. Not sure if this post was to make you realise how far you can come in a year or if it can help anyone that is alone or thinking of leaving a relationship. You can do it alone it's not easy but you survive.

OP posts:
lostwithoutthem · 19/05/2019 20:47

You have no idea how much I need to hear this.
The love of my life and her DS left our home a short while ago.
I feel like I'm living under that black cloud and struggle to see life without them.
Thank you for showing me there is hope. I'm so glad you are your girls are finally happy. X

Windmillwhirl · 19/05/2019 20:58

Well done, you! I'm sure this post will help others. Flowers

Missbee90 · 19/05/2019 21:02

Adore this post and well done you xx
No children but 10 months ago my husband left me after 11 years together, totally out of the blue and ripped my world apart.
I’m by no means “over it” but my good days now out weigh the bad. It still hurts but I’ve realised I’m 29 and have a life to live still and I’ve got amazing friends and family who have helped me through it. So much like the OP I hope this post may give some strength to someone.

MyHomey · 19/05/2019 21:06

Lovely post OP, well done Smile

Keepempeeled · 19/05/2019 21:10

Great post.. two weeks into my newly separated life and finding it tough. Thanks for giving me hope

Passmealargewine · 19/05/2019 21:14

This was lovely to read! & echoes a lot of how I feel right now. Almost a year since my stbxh walked out on me & our 1 year old & I remember the despair & confusion I felt so clearly. & now me & my boy are thriving, it feels like the end of the world at the time yet sometimes it can turn out to be a blessing. Were happier than ever now our 'black cloud' left

L1nkedOut · 19/05/2019 21:15

Great post! Wine

user1494588420 · 19/05/2019 21:25

Thankyou all I'm so glad you can all relate some how. After I read the post through I thought I sounded very "up my self" I didn't mean to come across that way. I just wanted to say you can move on alone after everything you have ever known has gone. The massive relief for me was seeing the girls thrive without him here. 💓

OP posts:
TheFaerieQueene · 19/05/2019 21:26

Wow. Well done and congratulations to you and your DD’s. 👍

MyHomey · 19/05/2019 21:27

@user1494588420 it didn't read like that at all! I haven't been through this, but hope if I ever do in future, I am able to remember your post :)

Yellowshirt · 19/05/2019 21:50

Hi. User149.....
I'm 10 months in but I've really hit the buffers. My exercise and running is down the pan. Unless I'm going to work I just can't even be bothered to get out of bed.

Can you please tell me what worked for you as I'm at rock bottom but no one knows.

MrHaroldFry · 19/05/2019 21:51

Bravo OP and a huge thank you for showing that things can get better.
I wish you and your girls continued happiness.

Ihatesandwiches · 19/05/2019 21:59

Well done, OP! I thought I would struggle as a single mum but actually... not having my ex in my day to day life is fabulous. I've found our I'm much more capable than I thought. But it did probably take about a year for me to get my shit sorted!

letsdolunch321 · 19/05/2019 22:07

Excellent news to you OP and your children, been where you are now very happy with my lot.

Quite amazing how resilient we become and time is a fantastic healer.

Have a great holiday 🥂

Windmillwhirl · 19/05/2019 22:09

You don't sound up yourself. You sound like a lovely, strong woman and mother that has been through the mill and deserves to feel happy and content.Smile

user1494588420 · 19/05/2019 22:10

Yellow shirt I was angry at him for a long time I felt like the last 14 years had been thrown back in my face. I do still have days where I just want to hide under the duvet and not face life but I think back to how I was then to how I am now. Not sure of any advice apart from please do and talk to someone (maybe a doc). It is so hard but please don't let another person destroy your well-being

OP posts:
MoviesT · 19/05/2019 22:35

Congratulations OP, I’m so glad that you have weathered the storm and come out into the sunshine. An inspiration. Thanks for posting.

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