Is this just banter

[felicity06]

Hello. I feel like I'm going mad. I found some flirty messages on my husband's phone who is known for doing this sort of thing. Bit grafic but he swears it's banter. He was cheeky to the co worker and she gave him the finger. He replied you know where you can stick that! She called him a wanker and he said yes at least twice a week. I felt this was so wrong but he says it's banter. I'm not laughing. He hit the roof said he can't stand my jealousy. Am I jealous? Wrong? Mad?

I would tell him he's embarrassing because it is.

How would he like it if his mum, sister, you... male boss spoke like that to them?

@PuppetShowInTheSoundofMusic I work in such a world too and yes black humour is a coping mechanism but that's not black humour! No male boss or colleague has ever spoken to me like that and I'd be horrified if they did. Imagine that being the person responsible for your promotions, assessments, possible firing etc. She's a subordinate and there is a power differential here which means she almost certainly does feel she can only push back in a particular way.

He's also being a dick to you OP, but I don't think there is anything going on between them, she's clearly uncomfortable with it. I don't know what I'd advise, tell him it's not jealousy it's disgust at him treating a female employee like that?

You say he was cheeky to co worker. What was that 'cheekiness'?

I think a lot depends on that initial start up, as to whether it crude banter between colleagues or whether she is being harrassed.

And why the assumption from pp that he is in a position of authority over her?

Oops!
I see now!! Missed the update.

My sister knows a funeral director. Flirtiest bloke around, but very safe. I.E. just harmless stuff to brighten the day and everyone knows he adores his wife.