Children Abusing Parents

[StillMe1]

wehavekids.com/family-relationships/The-Silent-Suffering-of-Parent-Abuse-When-Children-Abuse-Parents

I noticed this today and read it through. It rang so many bells. It seems that these incidents are on the increase.

What do MNs think about this or any comments really

Sorry OP I disagree with this article. The writer seems to blame single parents for this, and ‘not being able to chastise children in the traditional way’ (which I assume they mean through hitting)
‘Not listening to you’ is not abuse, to call it is is ridiculous.
Idk op there are children who have been abused themselves or have undiagnosed mental health issues & this can manifest itself in abusiveness towards a caregiver. But it’s not the same as an adult who abuses others. I find the article quite extreme & looking to justify physical discipline and exerting extreme control over children.

As someone who grew up with severe OCD (and, I now believe, undiagnosed HFA) and whose behaviour in times of extreme fear, lashing out at my parents verbally and physically, would be described as abusive, I have often asked myself what, if any, is the difference between me and an adult perpetrator of domestic abuse. How much should mental illness be taken into account? Do I deserve to go to prison? etc. etc. I do not know the answer, but there is definitely not enough support for families suffering in this way.

@Papergirl1968 I am so sorry that the Court took such a lenient view. It is just not on for anyone to be assaulting another. I assume that she will stay with you if she is not getting a place in a mother and baby unit. That is so unfair to expect you to house someone who has been violent to you. I think it is so awful that SS have left you with 2 unpredictable DDs. It is just not a life at all. How many times do we see on here that people say leave your abusive husband/partner yet apparently we have to tolerate violent children who are very often bigger than the parent?

@Joeydoesnotsharefood2 I have no idea if 1940s/50s parenting with smacking being normal would have made any difference to my DC. I have never been violent with my DC. I am the one who has cowered in corners because of the shouting swearing and violence from them. My DC were given a good education and had the chance of university but they chose a different lifestyle. I wish I could let you hear the tape of them shouting at me and then ask you if you think I should live life like that. They have never paid "housekeeping", they are constantly in debt which I am expected to sort out, I am not meant to have any life apart from being available to their demands for babysitting house cleaning or money paying. I wonder if you have ever experienced what the other PP and I have lived with.

Hi everyone.

I am an NVR practitioner and work for the local authority mostly with post adoption.

I am considering setting up independently but was wondering whether this was something people would be prepared to pay for?

Having had a very difficult time with my eldest child (now a settled adult) I think I would have definitely paid for help

I am happy to give some advice on here too if anyone would like it but it's obviously pretty limited on here.

No, she's still in supported accommodation since the assault a fortnight ago, stillme and won't be coming home any time soon. I saw her briefly last weekend even then she was threatening to punch me.
*Ledkr," I can't currently work due to my DD's needs, and my own depression so money is tight. I'd definitely consider doing some NVR training, but children's services would need to fund it.

Ledkr sorry, bold fail

@Papergirl1968 Glad to hear that you are not expected to house someone who is always threatening you and even carrying out the threat. I know that you still have one DD at home. Dont let any violence start with her. If you are worried at all call Police and Social Services. You can not and should not be at any risk at all.

@Ledkr The fact that a Council has employed you and you mostly work with post-adoption is of great concern. I paid for a Private Educational Phycologist Consultant. He confirmed that DD was highly intelligent, maybe so, but you should see her circumstances now. It is sad. I would have wished better from her but she only listens to one dumdum man after another. I am to old now to be having all this stress.

I’ve been desperately searching some support, thank you. My 14 year old son has moved to my horrible mothers and texts me just to say he had dreams about me dying and he is looking at flowers to put on my coffin because it makes him happy.

@Thehop It seems that it is around 14 when kids start to think they can challenge parents especially single parents. For me anyway, my DC were already bigger than me. From that point, I was sunk. The bigger they got the more they thought they could treat me badly and get away with it. Then I got ill and they knew they had the balance of power. I only have one option now. To steer clear. I hope you get things sorted better while your DC is still young. Next time he says he is looking at flowers for your coffin tell him you have ordered your own flowers! I read something today about how to deal with Narcs and that was to point out their bad sides. Good luck

Thank you StillMe1 I’ve actually been reading about grey rock method and wonder if employing it with him and my mother would help?

I’ll certainly try. Thank you so much. I’m doing what you do right now, and just keeping away

I hope your health can be improved?

@stillme1 I agree. I am not employed as an NVR therapist but as a post adoption support worker and the NVR I do is as part of my job. However adopted children have access to the adoption support fund which is 5000 per child to fund therapy so we often commission outside therapists using this funding.
It is a source of great frustration for me that all children cannot access the same funding. My eldest son was really difficult and deffiant and ended up on drugs and mixed up with all sorts of trouble and people. I was desperate for help and got nothing.
When I called parent line and told them I had to lock everything away including my bag, I was told I was an awful parent for not trusting him 😠
I eventually had to ask him to leave at 18.
He is an adult now and fairly settled.
I know how desperate it feels and this is why I'd love to go freelance but appreciate not many people have the capicity to self fund.
I think the cost to society is greater when not providing adequate help for families in crisis.

Cousin used to beat my aunt, but he was a druggie from 14. The whole of the family has cut him off now

Thank you papergirl for directing me to this thread.

Just posting now so I can find it easily tomorrow

I’m afraid it makes depressing reading, AA11.
Hope your dd is calm this morning.

It unfortunately does doesn't it.

She's calm and subdued today. She knows she broke me last night.
Luckily my face doesn't look like I expected. Just a small bruise thankfully.

I have had a telephone appt with our gp and broke down on the phone which I'd told myself I wasn't going to do. She's got us both in to see her tomorrow before lunch.

I'm trying not to read back my thread from last night at the moment because every time I do I start bloody crying and I need to be stronger than that.

You will still be in a state of shock, it’s no wonder you feel wobbly.
It’s good you’ve got a GP appointment tomorrow.
In the meantime, try to have a quiet day and put a movie on for the kids or something. You need to look after yourself and your unborn baby.