MIL obsessed with buying new things.

[iamhereiamhappy]

I've never truly been good friends with my MIL. We get on to a polite acquaintance level (I have really tried to be her friend but she's not interested) and that's it. My issue is her obsessive buying for my children. My son is 2. Recently, she's bought him a tablet and an 8ft trampoline without asking, just turned up at our house with one and got FIL to build it in our back garden. She's recently bought my baby DD her first ever swimming costume, Despite me saying I wanted to. Everytime we go to visit, DS has countless new toys, clothes and games. I can understand that perhaps she means well, but I'm never asked or told about it. And they're big expensive presents usually. For no reason. She knows my family aren't as wealthy as hers, and can't afford the kind of presents she gets the grandkids. I worry about future Christmas's, when the kids are older, and she does one of her classic buying blow outs, which my parents could never match. (Not that Xmas is about presents but kids are kids). She also knows I work really hard to make sure that my DS learns the value of gifts and toys as my parents did with me. MIL was like this with her own children and my SIL has grown up to be an adult spoilt brat. I don't want my son thinking in future" oh well mum says no to a new (X) but granny will get me one."
How do I approach the subject with her without sounding like a massive bitch?!

Come on! She wants to spoil her grandchildren, not many children have such in their lives. What's wrong with her spoiling her grandkids

She’s overstepping the mark, fine to be generous with her grandchildren but she should discuss with you first, before making plans, she’s had her children, these are yours.

Just say you're pleased she's so invested in the children's happiness but to please run any big purchases via you first as you may not have the room for it. If they'd like to buy things for their house that's different.

I’d have told them to put the trampoline up at their house, same with other large gifts - they’ll soon be fed up of tripping over crap!!

Anything else I’d donate or regift.

I didn't know buying your child's first swimming costume was a 'thing' ... you live and learn eh!

What's wrong with her spoiling her grandkids

You think it’s ok to turn up with an 8ft trampoline without having asked the parents?

What does your DH say? Does he agree with you?

I'd have been livid about the trampoline - that would be taken down and returned to her house!

My dad is like this. We just see is as is not needing to spend money which is actually really helpful to us.

my SIL has grown up to be an adult spoilt brat.

But not your husband? So she can't have done too bad a job.

Buying first swimming costume, yeah is a big thing for me. The point is, I wanted to do it and I said so.

My parents had money but never bought anything much for any of their grandchildren. My sister and I would have been delighted and grateful if they'd bought our DC anything.
They brought up your husband in the same way as his sister and presumably he turned out ok?

Get her son to talk to her.

And no, my husband can be a bit of spoilt brat at times to. His only fault. He definitely still carries the family's secondhand snobbery. But this post isn't about my husband, just looking for advice on how to approach the subject with MIL.

And I'm not talking about a few things here and there, like most grandparents. It's obsessive. All the time. Big expensive presents that I know nothing about.

This used to be my mil too. I was so angry about it before but now I just think.. meh, your money, spend it how you want!!

My mum and dad were like this with my first dc. I told them to stop it or they wouldn't see her . I was spoilt as a child and it did me no favours , I want my dc to know the value of money ..

You’re husband needs to intervene with his parents, but you can refuse to accept gifts if you’re truly bothered. My ILs buy loads of gifts, but I tend to put my foot down over excessive ones or leave them at theirs.

However, the spending less because your family can’t compete could lead to complaints that they’re tight despite being able to afford gifts. People view things differently and some equate material gifts to love.

The swimming costume thing is so petty. If you don’t like the one she bought then say thanks and buy your own, no need to make drama. However, I see why you might have been tipped over the edge- turning up trampoline is insane!! Your DH needs to tell her that from now on big gifts need to stay at her house.

I can see what you mean about the costume you said you were buying it and they did it anyway its spite really so sack it off to charity Ebay the large useless shit they buy tell your husband that no means no and your house is not toys r us

A two year old does not need either a trampoline or a tablet.

How is it that your father in law actually got access to your back garden to install the trampoline?. Who let them in?.

Your husband needs to talk to his mother. You and he must present a united front here. If he won’t do so because he is afraid of her or still wants parental approval then you will have to step up here and talk to her. You did not ask her to buy such items and you have every right to veto such purchases.

Grandmother buys her grandkids & this is causing an upset ?

I fail to understand why/how ?

What’s remotely wrong with this ?

Buys her grandkids expensive gifts

I get it, she is buying stuff you want to get and you TOLD her so but she’s going nuts and buying it anyway. Pp saying omg, grandmother buying stuff for your kid, how is this upsetting? Don’t you get it? The OP can’t afford as much, plus she’s stayed she wants to get certain items. If someone went to build a trampoline in my garden without asking, they’d get told to fuck off. It’s major stamping over boundaries.