Struggling to get over her.

[Runrow]

Not sure where my last thread went to so try again.
We broke up three months ago. We had problems and became a bit distant, probably both took things for granted. She started pulling away, I would ask to see her, she would change days or say she was busy. When we were out together she would hardly talk, even pull faces sometimes when I was trying to mkae conversation. When I tried to talk to her about Hingis she told me to not to worry. Then through text she told me she wasn't sure if she was happy anymore. Ithis was end of last year. I even gave her time to think of she wanted to carry on because when I asked she didn't know. Afterwards she still wouldn't know. I would get frustrated because I wanted to improve things and I wanted to spend more time together because I believed that is what we needed. But she didn't seem interested but when asked about it she would get upset and take it all like I was having a go at her. I wasn't I was just trying to sort the situation because I was left wondering if she actually still liked me or not but she would never say. She would say something like 'I've never said I don't want to be with you'. Then I'd ask why we couldn't see eachother more and she would tell me that she will 'cancel her plans then' to see me. This made me feel a bit of a nuisance and that she was almost doing me a favour. In the end I started to give up hope because I was getting knowhere and I started to back off. She told me that we can't go on like this and I agreed, and we both agreed to break. I didn't want to....but I just couldn't see any other way around the situation. I tried and tried to improve things. When we broke up I was devastated. I still love this girl now after three months and every day she is on my mind. I am trying to move but I find it hard.
About six weeks ago I contacted her and we chatted for a while, politely. I asked if we could try and sort things out, I told her I miss the times we had together and I still care about her. She told me she 'she doesnt know' and that she can't give me an answer at the moment??
To this o replied respectfully and said I understand and that it has to feel right. She has ignored that message and deliberately not read it. That was six weeks ago. She is posting on social media ll happy and cheery lots of selfies etc. She posts pics wearing things I nought her as gifts. But is still ignoring my message . I know she doesn't have to but after three years it like I don't exist lol.
Am I safe to assume she wants nothing to do with me? I haven't contacted her since indint feel it right too.
Any advice what I can do? I take it She wants nothing to do with me?

@Runrow if someone wants to be with you they make the time to do so. She definitely isn't interested in having a relationship with you and you won't change her mind.

This is where films and TV series get it wrong because they constantly show Men succeeding in 'winning the girl' by basically stalking behaviour.

Please forget about contacting her again, get out and see friends and start again with someone new and remember you can't buy someone's love.

Yes, you're safe to assume that she doesn't want further contact.

As for the gifts you gave her - did you expect her to throw them away or give them back? It's weird to be expecting contact because she's using things you gave here still. She liked them, they were gifts, why wouldn't she wear them? It doesn't mean she's thinking of you.

No I didn't expect her to expect her to throw them away.
We are still friends on social media that is how I saw them.
I a man trying to move on. My friends were her friends in the beginning and obviously now we aren't together, I have lost them too because we always used to do things together. I won't contact her again. I respect she doesn't want to talk to me. I will try and carry on best I can.

For your own well-being, I would defriend her and possibly block her. It's not doing you any good looking at what she's up to online.

Obviously your friendships with her friends weren't that deep if they haven't survived you splitting. I would probably defriend them as well or at least mute them on social media.

You need to concentrate on your own friendship group or building up one of your own if you don't have much of one.

Take your time OP , probably remove her from your social media and block her on everything for a clean break . This way she won’t be popping up on your screen and triggering you to think about her. The less she is in your thoughts , the better .

It hurts but it does get easier , you’ll meet someone new and this will all seem like a distant memory . Day by day is the key

Thankyou. I admit I'm struggling, I didn't think I would take it this hard especially three months in. I think she meant a lot more to me than I meant to her in the end. I really genuinely wish her all the happiness. I'm a little disappointed she has ignored me yes, but she has her reasons.
I'm praying for the day it gets easier, at the moment I'm far from it.
I guess In my head im holding on to false hope. I will never know the reasons she drifted away. Obviously something I did, but she never really explained. Maybe I'm clinging on because I didn't get much closure, I don't know.

Okay so you never done anything wrong , sometimes people’s feelings become less intense and they end up falling out of love . So don’t blame yourself , it happens.
Three years is a long time to have been with someone so you are naturally going to find it difficult as you still had strong feelings for her when it ended.
Give yourself the closure OP, only you can set yourself free and I’m sure after time you will meet someone lovely 😊

As seems to be a MN theme at the mo, you'll have to grant yourself closure. No answer is an answer.

It sounds like she lost interest, it wasn't working for her in some way - it doesn't mean you did anything wrong as such.

Make a decision to move on with your life, focus on your own friends and interests, make a conscious effort to divert your thoughts every time they go back to her.

Thanks Lefty1. Three years was along time he's. We did a lot together and shared some great memories. Still haven't estranged feelings for her, I think she will always mean a lot to me and I've told her that.
Will try to give myself closure