Confused

[luby34]

My boyfriend of 3.5 years never apologises, he never says I love you and he never compliments me whether that be when I dress for an occasion, or whether I have passed my degree... We can get on very well sometimes and other times he can be vile. He will moan about me being on my mobile when he is also on his mobile. He will say random statements like who am I on my lunch break with at work, or who am I going to the gym with, when he knows full well I always go to the gym alone. He is not friends with my sister on social media and everytime I want to visit my family and friends who live about 3 hours drive away he will question what I am doing (which is fine), but he wont ask me if I had a nice time with friends and family.
We dont have the same hobbies but we are supportive of each others. I like cycling and when I want to ride in a group, he will say that I want to go perving, which is totally not true, I just want to ride my bike and challenge myself. He had a daughter from a previous relationship and we get on but I do get a bit bored sometimes, like when they just sit in front of the TV early morning for hours and then I get moaned at because I am reading or on my phone and not watching TV (I dont want to watch TV!... sometime we will do outdoor activities or cook together which is nice... I also feel financially insecure, he has no pension and makes us reduce holidays to the less amount of days as possible so he does not miss out on earning money at work...

What are you confused about, OP? You don't sound super happy...?

I dont know if I am unhappy or if this is how relationships are... I'm 36 nearly. I want to have fun but wonder whether the grass is actually greener on the other side or not.

He also knows that I will inherit some money, not lots but enough for a few years and sometimes when we argue, he says he will sue me. Reason being was because I was studying when we met and he paid most of the rent and food (not all of it, but most of it).

Have one of my very very rare LTB. Seriously, your young, he's a boyfriend you can walk away. 3.5 years is not long but more than long enough to be with such a horrible man.

Of course this isn't how healthy relationships are.

Is this your first relationship?

He sounds really horrible. Let him sue you (he’d have no chance.)

Also you namechanged.

Why are you with him? Have a bit of self respect and get away from him, build a life for yourself with friends, family where you can have all the fun you want without being answerable to that prick.

Ltb?

No, I was with an ex for about 6 years. Engaged too but i wasnt in love with him...or at least i didn't think it was love and this is what I'm confused about whether this is what relationships are all like. I'm over that relationship now though and i just want a relationship that works and not walk away all the time.

If the grass was brown and dying it would be better than this. Grass seed and water are all you need to fix it.

Aim for more and aim for better

Ltb - leave the bastard.

Surely being single would be better than this? This is NOT how relationships are, even though it is what many people seem to settle for.

So, do you want to settle for this, or do you want to be happy?

So what exactly are you getting out of this relationship? I’ve failed to spot any positive comments about this guy.

He is supportive of my hobby and is affectionate at home and in public, just not verbally. He will cook for me. Run a bath for me, massage me. I just dont know, the fact he cant apologise, compliment and say I love you is kinda grating on me.

@luby34 @Luby34

He also knows that I will inherit some money, not lots but enough for a few years and sometimes when we argue, he says he will sue me. Reason being was because I was studying when we met and he paid most of the rent and food (not all of it, but most of it).
How can he sue you? Where is the legal agreement/commitment that you will repay him for rent or food during what you thought was a loving relationship? It's it not more likely he sees what he will lose financially if you walk away from him? Especially if:

I also feel financially insecure, he has no pension and makes us reduce holidays to the less amount of days as possible so he does not miss out on earning money at work...
...

He is supportive of my hobby and is affectionate at home and in public, just not verbally.
How is he supportive if he accuses you of wanting "*to go perving"?

He also knows that I will inherit some money, not lots but enough for a few years and sometimes when we argue, he says he will sue me. Reason being was because I was studying when we met and he paid most of the rent and food (not all of it, but most of it).
How can he sue you? Where is the legal agreement/commitment that you will repay him for rent or food during what you thought was a loving relationship? It's it not more likely he sees what he will lose financially if you walk away from him? Especially if:

I also feel financially insecure, he has no pension and makes us reduce holidays to the less amount of days as possible so he does not miss out on earning money at work...
...

He is supportive of my hobby and is affectionate at home and in public, just not verbally.
How is he supportive if he accuses you of wanting "to go perving"?

He will cook for me. Run a bath for me, massage me.
OP you don't need a man, or anyone else to do these things for you.

Whilst these are nice things they are not reason enough to stay in a negative relationship.
I just dont know, the fact he cant apologise, compliment and say I love you is kinda grating on me.

I'm assuming you have no children with him so I would strongly suggest you do walk away from this relationship before you get more enmeshed with him. Whose name is the tenancy agreement in? If just yours then ask him to leave and change the locks. If both then see about removing yourself from the lease.

Please reread your first post, from the point of view of a best friend or, the viewpoint of your future adult daughter? What would you truly advise?