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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Horrible friend

15 replies

Chuck72 · 18/05/2019 23:01

Is it wrong for me to ask my wife to stop been friends with someone her friend is a two faced cow am I wrong to ask???

OP posts:
Closetbeanmuncher · 18/05/2019 23:03

Your allowed to have an opinion but ultimately your wife gets to choose her friends...not you

Original poster
Chuck72 · 18/05/2019 23:10

Yes true but my wife has in the past put this friend first on a good few times but surely is the husband/wife not meant to come first ??

OP posts:
Haffdonga · 18/05/2019 23:19

Yes it is wrong.

PurpleDaisies · 18/05/2019 23:21

Yes, it would be wrong to ask that.

Why do you dislike her so much?

Reflexella · 18/05/2019 23:21

She’s allowed to have friends of her own choosing.
How do you know the friend is 2 faced?

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 18/05/2019 23:24

As long as she has all the facts she can make that decision herself.

You can give your opinion and explain why you feel that way,but in the end it's entirely up to her.

Forcing her to choose is a dick move and quite controlling.

user1486131602 · 18/05/2019 23:26

Sounds like jealousy to me!
Just let your wife be friends with whoever she chooses or expect to have your friendships vetted

PurpleDaisies · 18/05/2019 23:26

Yes true but my wife has in the past put this friend first on a good few times but surely is the husband/wife not meant to come first ??

No, I don’t think spouse always automatically comes first. It depends on the situation.

TheoriginalLEM · 18/05/2019 23:28

You sound controlling

Singlenotsingle · 18/05/2019 23:29

Are you jealous of this person?

Reflexella · 18/05/2019 23:31

Do you feel she is influencing your wife in any way?

curiousierandcouriser · 19/05/2019 00:17

Yes YABU to ask her to drop a friendship on your say-so. This is controlling behaviour. Would you be happy for her to tell you who to be friends with? Being married to someone doesn't give you the right to lord over their other relationships.

YWNBU to explain your reasons to your wife and tell her that you want nothing to do with this friend.

Jaxhog · 19/05/2019 00:23

Perfectly reasonable. I did this with a (rude, sexist, drunken) 'friend' of my Dh's a few years ago. I asked (strongly!), and he agreed.

It's only controlling if you demand it, and/or if you demand she drops all her friends. It's perfectly acceptable to ask.

NauseousMum · 19/05/2019 10:17

You should discuss your dislike of this woman with your wife but be prepared for her to have a differing opinion or voice a previously unspoken one on your friends.

It is wrong for you to ask this of your wife, you put her in a hard position. However, you should discuss why you dislike her or find her two faced. Your reasons may be accurate and your wife may be badly treated by her and need your support to break off friendship. Equally your reasons may be seen as petty or based on misinformation.

NauseousMum · 19/05/2019 10:20

And no a spouse does not automatically come first. For example, i put a friend over my then partner by being with her for an abortion while my partner a) didn't like her getting one and b) wanted me to spend the time with him.

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