I'm the saddest I've ever been because of him.

[gleefuliamnot]

I'm really down. I left my ex partner with my little boy because of the abuse I was suffering. I've moved back to be near my parents. I haven't got good friends near here and because my son is ebf (and a handful) I struggle to meet new people. The emotional abuse I suffered has knocked my self confidence. I feel utterly worthless. I'm on anti anxiety medication and a waiting list for counselling. Can't afford to go private. I have no money. No partner (I know this isn't a necessity but I wish I knew love and am envious of those in real loving relationships). I'm lonely. I have a stupid crush on someone who doesn't even notice me.

I know it will get better (I hope). I want to feel better now. I want to not cry every night because I'm so badly screwing my life up.

AIBU to feel like this? I'm so lonely. I love my son and would do anything for him, I'm just sad at the moment.

post edited by MNHQ at OP's request

Perhaps I've been hanging out on MN for too long, but when someone tells me they're a single mum, I think "well, that's better than being stuck with an asshole!"

This is just the worst part, it will get better from here, stay strong!

Would your parents mind your son so you can go out? The site meetup.com has lots of free random things, I used it to find a (very slow! ) running partner for example.
Or the local FB page has details of a mums and buggies walking group, might yours?

One thing I did when I was feeling really isolated and down, was made a real effort to talk to the people I met in my daily life - yes, even the annoying people who poke your baby in the supermarket - and wrote in my diary at the end of the day how many I'd managed. I'm naturally quite antisocial, so I has to force myself like this!

Perhaps I've been hanging out on MN for too long, but when someone tells me they're a single mum, I think "well, that's better than being stuck with an asshole!" wink

Even before I frequented munsnet if come to the conclusion that single mums come in many different types. If I see someone's behaviour seems half way responsible, I assume they got out because it was shit, because it was unworkable with the father. And I'd assume it's because he's yet another dickhead/bastard, if whom there seems to be an endless supply.

Anyone with eyes can see there are more dead beat dad's in the world than mother's you dong look after their kids.

Anyone who judges you without knowing a smidgeon about your ex/relationship is not bright enough to worry about their opinion.

• who don't

I was going to say join some toddler groups as these are great for meeting new mums but I see you are working full time just now.

There must be some things on at the weekend.