Feeling low

[Chlo5ten]

Hi girls, so I've just come out of a very abusive relationship, I recently lost a baby at 12 weeks and I'm feeling so lonely. I have two beautiful little humans a lovely home and a little job. But I've just moved to a new area I don't have any friends as a result of my controlling ex. Everything to do with babies makes me cry and I feel lost without my ex. Hes also left me financially crippled and I'm so worried I can barely sleep, I'm not sure what I'm hoping for on here just reassurance I suppose 💔😥 x

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP do you have any family you can reach out to for support ?
Did the doctors refer you to a councillor / helpline for the loss of your baby. You are going through a lot right now and it’s okay to get help in that respect.
I had a missed miscarriage last year, then my ex dumped me (turns out he was cheating on me too) it was horrible atvthe time but you will get through it , nothing lasts forever.
What helped for me was watching lots of Netflix series , stuff that had no agenda of relationships or children so I ended up watching quite a lot of murder mysteries, oddly enough it helped take my mind of things .
I read a lot about abusive boyfriend behaviour too , a book called “why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft was really insightful and helped me identify some of the behaviours he displayed (it helped me validate that he was emotionally abusive too)
Finally , be kind to yourself , cry if you need to , take long baths , pamper yourself when you can. Things will improve , day by day xx

I am moved by your situation. It sounds so incredibly difficult right now. I agree counselling could be very helpful.

I've gone through tough times in my life when I felt lonely and afraid. Thankfully things are much better now.

You will build a new life for yourself and your children. It takes time, but things will get easier.

Each day is a tiny step forward.

You will get through it...
Best of luck

Thank you for your reply, I've not been to counselling but maybe its something I should consider. It's still all feels so raw, no baby and everything reminds me of that, no boyfriend but everything reminds me of him and I feel so let down by the man I loved so much. 😥

You should definately seek counselling as it’s two major life events happening in parallel, arrange an appointment with your gp to discuss it.

You say your ex was emotionally abusive , start making a list of all the horrible things he done and remind yourself of these things when you’re feeling sad, you need to find your anger OP. Anger is a very powerful emotion and will help you to start actioning your life back together without him. Start framing the breakup in your mind as freedom and write down some of the things that you can now do that you perhaps couldn’t whilst with him.

For now try and keep yourself busy , make lists of things you need to do , cleaning the house is very therapeutic and you see the results instantly. Start doing some exercise, a run in the morning if you can when the little ones are not around?
Be patient with yourself OP, you probably feel broken at the moment (I certainly did ) but take each hour as it comes and slowly you will start to feel better and your life will be better without him, undoubtedly xx

Also try and remind yourself if the fabulous life you do have , you have two lovely little ones, a home and a job (which I infer you enjoy) , you are clearly very independent and are doing so well for yourself , yes there are some sad circumstance right now but you will come out of this stronger ...I used to hate it when people told me this as it seems like such a cliche but looking back now , they were absolutely right . Sending you strength lovely xx