What to do?

[ScrewBalls99]

I'm not perfect, I don't take criticism v.well and can get anxiety and worry. Anger from anyone makes me want to walk/run away.

I'm not happy with partner or our life. Partner gets angry. Just general undercurrent of frustration DP says, but comes across as anger and sometimes items are slammed down onto table, or similar. Not hit anyone or thing tho.

Blame for anger then comes back to us. I don't think he can stop it. Been going on for years. Over time his patience with me is less, eg when I am explaining something, if he doesn't understand it's my fault as I haven't explained well. Another eg if he stands on my foot it's my fault for standing with it sticking out. Or if I feel something strongly and go on too long he tells me, ok, you've done that now.

I keep thinking it might be a happier and more relaxed life without DP. Any thought how I can decide what to do?

Also worry about kids being affected by his behaviour.

I think you know what you want to do, you just have to decide and go through with it as scary as that can be. Sounds like you and your kids would be much happier without his "frustration" - life is too short OP

He's not standing on your foot by accident OP, he's trying to hurt you and intimidate you - all the slamming - whilst 'never laying a finger on you'. He's not a good man. LTB

'Should've doing' thanks for your reply , I do think he's doing it by accident, but I am gobsmacked every time I am blamed. This only happens occasionally. But results in an argument as I think s quick apology from him would be the best reaction.

Re. Him half listening and then telling me I have explained badly in a frustrated manner... rather than politely asking if I can explain again. Could it be me being a rubbish communicator and him being justified to get frustrated and talk to me like that? And me being too sensitive?

He talks to his mother like this and over time is starting to talk to me like his mother....

Socialistmamma - yes and no. I guess I appreciate that relationship s are not a bed of roses and have to be worked at, hence indecision as appreciate it's not all him.

How much joy do others have in their relationships?

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

Abuse is not about communication or a perceived lack thereof; its about power and control. And no you are not being so sensitive either here. Such abusive men hate women, all of them actually.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up, have you actually gone onto choose someone perhaps like your dad here?. Did you see similar from him when you were growing up?

This comment of yours is interesting as well:-

"Anger from anyone makes me want to walk/run away".

Did you grow up with highly critical and angry parent/s as well?

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here from you two?. Is this really the model of a relationship you want to be showing them?. And yes, they are learning from you two about relationships and this model is no model to be showing them.

And he standing on your foot is deliberate too.

Womens Aid are worth contacting here on 0808 2000 247 and they will help you move forward.

I have come to realise that you should pay attention to how your husband or partner speaks to his mother. It will show you how they view women generally.

I didn’t pick up on this, and regret it hugely.

Start to get your ducks in a row and see a solicitor as to what you may be entitled to, should you go your separate ways.

I found that equipping myself with knowledge, made me feel a lot stronger.

Screwballs

I would like to direct you also to what it says at the top of the Relationships thread in relation to your most recent comment:-

Relationships are not supposed to be hard work, that is a big fat myth. Yes, you should work at your relationship but that is not the same thing at all.

And there is more too.

Nobody should live their life in fear of angering their partner, or skirting round issues that might upset him. Or put up with cheating and lying for fear of rocking the boat.

Nobody should 'stay together for the children', or because of your marriage vows. If your husband treats you badly, he has broken the vows. Children are much much happier being brought up by parents who live apart than in an atmosphere of fear and loathing.

Just because you've escaped a level 10 bastard, doesn't mean you should settle for the level 8 one that comes along. The only acceptable level of abuse is none.

Just because all your friends are in bad relationships, doesn't mean that you have to be.

I really want to debunk the myth that all men are bastards. They simply aren't. If you feel that all the men you meet are, it's because you are unconsciously sending out vibes to these men. They can spot a target a mile off.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is NONE.