What is this?

[makingsenseofit]

When I try to express a thought or feeling to DH regarding our relationship and he responds with how do I think me saying whatever it is makes him feel? This generally results in him not acknowledging whatever it is that I have expressed as he is so caught up in defensiveness/ it offending him and often then says something such as 'he does not need this s*'.

He has also recently stated that 'I think I can just say whatever I like to him'.

Occasionally he also states that he does not understand what I am trying to say and asks me to make it clearer (when objectively the way I am conveying it could not be made any simpler) resulting in me simply giving up and feeling worse than if I hadn't tried to share the thought/ feeling to begin with.

He's either deflecting or very, very sensitive. Equally as frustrating.

Is this a frequent occurrence? What sort of issues/concerns is he refusing to acknowledge or discuss? Context matters.

I should add that I these expressions of thoughts/ feelings re the relationship are few and far between. I feel as though I cannot raise anything without it becoming about him or being escalated into an argument.

I find that on the rare occasions where I do try to express things I now end up apologising or placating him just to avoid unwarranted drama. I am aware that this is not a constructive or long term way of managing it in itself.

@TooTrueToBeGood. It can be anything from trying to explain how I have felt about something which he has said to me to expressing a thought or opinion about something which he says is 'unnecessary'.

Yes it is a frequent occurrence, in that it happens each and every time that I try to raise something.

Well I wouldn't worry so much about trying to nail a precise and specific term for it. Rather, see it for what it is in simple terms. He's telling you that he does not consider you worthy of an opinion and that you should shut up and accept that your relationship is what he, and he alone, decides it will be. Now ask yourself, is this all you are worth?

He doesn’t want to hear you or deal with how you feel. He is not interested. He uses techniques which shut you down and control you. When you tell him how you feel, he immediately switches to the focal point being how he feels. He is selfish and uninterested in your emotions.