Do I want to divorce my husband?

[800msprint]

Unfortunately been thinking this more and more often. Married 7 years. Have a 3 and 5 year old. Our lives have become very separate since kids. He's always earns more than me but pre kids I felt the relationship was equal. We shared housework. Now his career has ramped up and mine is minimal to fit around kids. I obviously do the brunt of the housework now too. He works silly hours. I feel like I'm trapped. We have discussed him changing roles so it's not like this anymore but nothing comes of it.

We don't really argue, just don't really do or say much to each other anymore. And it's more of a strained relationship. I think it would be better if we argued then we'd clear the air. All my resentment just bubbles along.

I've struggled a lot in the last few years so this has been a real strain on the relationship too. I'm not happy in myself. He is kind and a loving dad but he's just emotionally distant and we just don't laugh anymore. Am also aware I'm not a barrel of laughs either right now. Urgh I don't know. I feel like if he went and had an affair I wouldn't feel much.

I have raised the idea of marriage counselling but he's sweeper it under the carpet and just says we're ok and we should get a babysitter and go on a date. We've done that once in 5 years and we didn't have much to talk to each other when we were out. And I organised it too.

I'm about to have some therapy for my own issues so maybe if I start feeling happier in myself it will help the relationship, but part of me feels like it's just fizzled our. I know we're in the eye of the storm with young kids and this is a common issue. Sex doesn't really happen either. He's not that bothered by it and I'm not that great at initiating it so on it goes. I don't feel particularly attractive to him.

I hate where we love too and I've mooted the idea to myself of either moving closer to my aging parents (though I don't know anyone else there) or at least back to east London which would be slightly nearer to them and closer to friends and give me the ability to work in the future as less of a commute.

I expect I'll just carry on quietly unhappy as I don't have the strength to do much right now. 😢

I agree that having some counselling yourself may help you work out what you want to do.

It's a classic stage of marriage with young dc and careers moving in different directions... not saying that it's right.... but you dh really should be interested in talking to you about how you feel.

800msprint
Have your therapy for your issues.
Reassess things after that .
Having “dates “ sounds like a good idea. If you have to organise them... maybe take turns .
Lots of people just keep going.
I hope after therapy it will become clear to you . Adding that trauma in just now may be too much .

What was life like pre kids? What did you do together?
If you’re unhappy then it’s pointless staying with him but by your other passing comments it seems like maybe a bigger issue is you feeling a bit ground down by life. Two young kids, a slower career and a load of housework. I’d work on those before throwing away your marriage.

Love pre kids was lovely. He was the love of my life. We loved running so that was a major part on our life, but also just general mooching about to an art gallery or up to Hampstead Heath or local cafe and read papers.
We do come from different backgrounds though. He is privately educated, city boy. Parents quite conservative. Mine are liberal, country upbringing

I'm just in a very low place right now and we seem poles apart. But perhaps rushing into anything is not a good idea. I need to try to get myself in a better place before I tackle the issues in our relationship.

What is it about where you live that you don’t like @800msprint?

It sounds like you had a nice relationship pre-kids. Not that that means things can’t change. But you are right, it’s a classic stage for relationship issues. Counselling for yourself is a good first step.

I find it a soulless commuter town. I've tried for 5 years but I can't like it.
Am going to get some help. I think I owe my husband that.