Feelings for my newly separated friend

[subsea]

I have a friend whom I have known for a few years.
About 4 weeks ago he separated from his partner and mother of his son. She has met someone else and there is possibly overlap. I don't know her well and my friend is heartbroken.
My partner left us 9 months ago after cheating. I am on my own with 2 small children. Things were at rock bottom 9 months ago. The girls are getting on well now and I'm happy.
My newly single friend is in the midst of a similar experience to what I went through. I have been supporting him via text messages and giving advice- nothing too specific, mostly things get better, you won't always feel like this etc.
However he is now saying he might try to give things another go etc and I don't want him to. I have realised that I have feelings for him!
I sent a message this evening saying I was aware my advice may be too biased. I'm not sure if I should now distance myself. I do want to support him but I can't as I don't want him to get back with her.
I'm aware it all sounds very childish.
Any advice welcome!

He's been separated for four weeks. Back off and let him work things out with his wife, one way or the other. He needs to find someone else to support him. If he likes you, and he's single once the dust settles, he knows where to find you.

You need to seriously back off.

Yes exactly what I thought! Thanks.

4 weeks is far too soon. Whatever happens with his wife, if he wants to try again he clearly loves and wants to be with her. Do stay away and give him space. Declaring your feelings will probably push him further away from you given the circumstances.

Btw I'm a bit confused about what you've said in your texts. You say you've only been supporting him by general texts (things get better, it won't always be like this etc) yet you've sent one tonight saying you're aware your advice may have been too biased. That sounds like your texts weren't general at all.

Just to clarify, he has no idea about how I feel. I have only just recognised it myself.

My text have been very generic. My advice is unbiased in that I have been through something similar so at risk of projecting although our circumstances are different in many ways.

I think he sought reassurances from me due to my recent experiences - "when does the mental torture end?" etc and I have empathised and been acknowledging his feelings and the unpredictable nature of these things etc.

It was only today when he said he wanted to make it work I felt a pang of jealousy I suppose. I have indicated these have to be his decisions and I would be supportive whatever he decides to do etc.

I now recognise my support is no longer just as a friend (from my point of view) and need to back off without him feeling I have deserted him.

I appreciate I probably come across as an idiot.

It would be easier for me if I could stop the texting until he's worked things out then reconnect in a few months time if it's appropriate to do so. I don't want him to feel I just don't care/can't be arsed as it's not the case. I absolutely do not want to be honest as he has enough to work out without anything else added to it.

Sorry that should say biased not unbiased.

I haven't mentioned any of this to anyone in real life. Now that it's written down, it's clear to me that I have to back off and keep my distance. I'll probably just explain that I'm worried about projecting from my own experiences and it's inappropriate as only he and his ex know the ins and outs of how things are. Then keep the chat polite and infrequent.