Wife cheated then attempted suicide

[201317aaja]

Where do I start?

My wife of 6 years (same sex relationship), mother of our 2 kids text me on Monday morning ending the relationship.

She txted me all Monday and Tuesday trying to get a reaction and I kept cool to avoid an argument and said maybe her decision was correct. On Tuesday evening, she sent a “goodbye” message to me and her family (and her ex) and she took an overdose of insulin. She was found several hours later in a park and she is now in hospital and alive.

I’m struggling with so many different thoughts this week and I don’t know what I should do.

She cheated on me with her ex, she has been buying her gifts, lying about seeing family but visited the ex in Scotland. We have talked since she has been in hospital and she said she has been really down, confused, messed up.

Today I found her phone and had a look at the messages from her ex on the day of the suicide attempt, the messages basically say that my wife had declared her love for the ex and my wife initiated contact because of her feelings. The ex said she loves her too (though she had a boyfriend and kids). I also found all kinds of quote about “my first love” which indicates to me this wasn’t just a bad decision driven by her poor mental health. I feel this was deeper.

My wife has apologised etc and doesn’t necessarily want us to fix our relationship straight off but she would like to come home, recover and be around the kids and ‘take things slow’

I never wanted her to leave me and I love her and care for her so much, we are a family..... I’ve been very accepting of the cheating under the circumstances of her state of mind though I don’t know if I’m trying to convince myself to forget because I don’t want to loose her. I don’t know if I’m being so forgiving because she needs me to look after her. I don’t know if I am ok with what’s happened but I also don’t want to loose her. I don’t know if she will ever really get over this ex.

My son thinks she is hospital due to diabetes complications but is now playing up and refusing to do things until she comes home (which could be some time due to her mental health treatments)

I’m so lost and confused and sad and heartbroken and I have no idea if I should just walk away and find a way to deal with my own life or continue to be there for her and try and put this behind us

Is the house rented or jointly owned?

I'm mindful of the fact that if this was a man who had cheated and then attempted suicide most people would be saying absolutely DO NOT have him back in the house.

We have a mortgage

Nope? Not a chance I’d have them back. The ‘suicide’ attempt was to guilt you into taking them back. Leave now while you can.

Wow, you poor thing. She’s deeply manipulative and behaving appallingly. If she needs someone to look after her she can call on the person she’s been cheating with and declaring her love to. You and your children need a time of peace and stability, that’s not going to happen if your wife/ex comes back and dicks around deciding if you’re worthy of her fidelity, commitment and love. You can’t take her back. She’s completely untrustworthy and currently apparently unstable and your responsibility is to your children.

It sounds like she is still in love with her ex. You would be taking on the responsibility of being her carer, rather than her partner if she comes back to the family home.

I understand that she needs support at this time, but I'm not sure it's fair to ask you to be her support after the hurt she has caused you.

Why would you continue to be there for her?
She has behaved appallingly.
She's cheating on you.
Now she's manipulating you.
So yes - you should just walk away.

Have NC

I went through this too. Well not the cheating part but a same sex suicidal ex.

If you don't want to reconcile DON'T let her home. You will never be able to throw her out. Mine used her poor mental health to manipulate me constantly and keep me in a relationship with the suicide attempts to seal it all in concrete.

After a hospitalisation I didn't let her back.

It was hard and she is still in women's hostels trying to find her own place but it was the best thing for me and the kids.

Do NOT allow her back.

Don't have her back. She's using you and as the second post said..it would be labelled manipulation if it was a man.

Your wife needs to go and stay with her parents or relatives, she doesn’t get to come home and have you nursing her.

Quite frankly op she sounds like she is in love with her ex, nothing will change this. I would consider cutting your losses. She hasn’t given you any reason to hope you will stay together, that she loves you or even cares about you.
Don’t let her use you as a stepping stone until she is better, and meet someone else ( or back with the ex )

Been through exactly this.

XW (married 12 yrs) cheated on me, OM cooled off, and then XW attempted suicide with DD upstairs in bed while I was away with work.

I foolishly let her back, not knowing what to do. I'd supported her for so many years through her mental health issues and she had admitted that she'd manipulated me as she was being looked after.

I left with my DD to a rental nearby and ended up RP through a long process of court and still unable to resolve financial matters. I am constantly nervous about DD spending over nights with XW, as eventually she's liable to do it again, despite how much better she thinks she suddenly was. I just keep my fingers crossed she doesn't put DD in physical or psychological harms way again.

My only advice is look after your kids and yourself, and let her own her own shit as you and your kids deserve so much better.

Your wife wants a warm bed and her children in convenient proximity, what she doesn’t want, is to commit to you.

You are not responsible for her suicide attempt and you can’t prevent another one but what you can do, is protect your children from a currently destructive force.

Your wife is in love/ obsessed with another and ‘the another’ not being available, is the only reason you are still in her sight lines.