Out of sight out of mind

[bangersetmash]

Pretty long, so so sorry.

I am in my mid 20s and was in a non official sort of long distance relationship for about 6 months. We live in different countries and met on holiday, saw each other the last time about a month ago for two weeks.

It was all good until a few weeks ago I asked if we would be seeing other people (he was going back to work after his long holiday) and he basically said he wasn’t sure how to tell me but that the distance was too much for him and I lived too far away and it was very expensive to each other etc etc. I got pretty upset and told him it was better to just end it right there as he was leading me on the entire time and said we should stop talking. Next day we continued talking and agreed to see how it goes one day at a time.

A few days ago I noticed him slightly distant as in texting me a couple hours later than usual and I said he’s very different now that he’s home and he said he should back at work and it’s very stressful and all that and he really wanted to sort out his life. I once again felt lead on as a few weeks ago he was like oh yes let’s see how it goes blah blah. I actually got pretty angry and said he was an asshole and a liar and I hated him.

He clearly didn’t reply after that. Next day I said I was sorry for my outburst and he said he didn’t want to talk to me right now and blocked me overnight. I tried contacting next day again and he said he didn’t know what to say as I had clearly expressed how I felt about him a few days ago. I once again it was out of anger and I was sorry. He said he was still annoyed and frustrated by what I said and it wouldn’t last forever but it was very fresh right now after I told him how special he was in my life and I didn’t want to lose him.

Conversation ended when he said there was no need to apologise as we all say things when we are angry and he had to go back to work. I tried sending him something I saw online that reminded him of him (nothing cheesy or loving) and he ignored it. This was Tuesday night.

I’ve gone no contact for now so as to give him space and time, I’m not sure what to do now. I accept there’s clearly nothing going to happen but I would at least like proper closure instead of this horribles mess we are in. I don’t know if I should give him a few days or even a couple of weeks or just completely accept I will not get the closure I need. Our last conversation makes me think maybe he needs time but I don’t want to hold on to false hope...

I said he was very special and didn’t want to lose him and after that, he said he was annoyed and frustrated but it wouldn’t last forever .

Just adding this little edit to make it clear

This sounds completely pointless. Has this ever been an actual relationship?

I'm sorry but I just think he is trying to let you down gently...

There's no future in this relationship. Get out of it now. Ling distance relationships are very difficult to sustain. Is it really worth it? Are you really worth so little that you need to go through this?

He was clear the first time. He doesn’t want to pursue anything. Let it go.

There is no "horrible mess". It's not working. Say goodbye. Grant yourself the closure you crave - you're the only one who can.

Just to make it clear, I am not trying to find a solution to make his work or “get him back”. The only thing I want is to get somewhat of a proper closure, I feel it turned very nasty very fast and it shouldn’t have, it should have been a smooth “break up” and for some reason I feel I need closure.

Should I find closure on my own? Give him more time or just attempt final contact to get to end it the right way?

But he tried to “split up”, if you will, by saying about the distance and you said you should stop talking.

But you both continued talking.

Break ups don’t always give you closure. But non relationships don’t always give you closure either.

I think you both need to be realistic. Proper long distance relationships take really hard work. And money. And effort. And more than a few messages every day.

I suspect it’s probably stopping you both from moving on and finding something else to do with your time or meet someone else. You’re really young still. If you both want to do the LDR thing then jump at it.
If not move on and don’t stroke each other’s egos

I dont think it is a horrible mess. You met on holiday, gave a long distance relationship a go and it hasn't worked out. I understand you dont want to feel it has ended on a sour note so could you take control of this, send a pleasant message or make a quick call saying 'it has been lovely getting to know you, all the best' and either block or resolve not to get into any further conversation (and mean it)?

Closure is something you can do for yourself. You don't really need a post-mortem on it with him.

Stop chasing him: he fudged it a bit, but he's given you the brush off. You knew he was backing off and it's no point trying to hold on.

I'd just write this one off and move on.

It sounds as though he has a lot going on that he needs to focus on, and a LDR is not part of that. He's tried to tell you as gently as possible and from your descriptions, you are the one who has got nasty really quickly.

You don't get closure from one last conversation. You've already had more than one 'ending it' convo. He gracefully accepted your apology after you yelled at him and called him names - so what more can you ask of him?

You need to just let it go. Stop contacting him or seeking 'closure' and focus on your own life.

Did you meet him on holiday? How did it progress into a "LDR"

@JellySlice I love what you wrote about granting yourself closure , so many people depend on getting closure from having a final discussion with whoever it maybe but really you don’t , in my experience it often it makes you feel worse. You can move on without their being a movie like ending to a romance, it’s empowering in my opinion. Well wrote !

You’re pissing against the wind here.

He’s try to end it and it doesn’t appear that you are listening.

Closure is nonsense.
Maintain no contact and start dating other men.