We have a 7 month old. I've been struggling with a lot of anger and sadness because I feel that DH is selfish and I'm not sure I love him anymore.
- DH has only had sporadic low-paid work for the last few years since being made redundant. He hasn't looked for work in any other industry since (and there are rarely jobs in his industry and it's very competitive), and I've been keeping us afloat working a full-time well-paid job that I loathe and he knows how much I hate it. For the year or so prior to me getting pregnant and during the pregnancy, he would spend 4 hours+ a day exercising, watching TV and doing housework badly. I had to do all the food shopping (he didn't think online shopping was sensible because the fruit and veg don't last long enough) and redo some of his badly done housework - eg he refused to use the dishwasher and would wash up by hand but everything would be left with bits of food stuck to it.
- I had HG during the pregnancy and he did look after me a bit but would still spend 4 hours a day exercising. I also feel he pressured me to walk to the shops later in the pregnancy when my HG was a bit improved to pick up stuff we needed whilst heavily pregnant and struggling to look at food. I had to set up online food shopping despite the fact that I could barely look at food because he wasn't doing it.
- Things got worse after the birth. I needed an EMCS and spent a few days in hospital. He was keen for me to come home and kept telling me how difficult it was to come to the hospital and back each day (it's about an hour each way by bus). But when I got back I was in tears because he had not got any food in the day before, refused to pop to the shops and get anything healthy because he wanted to go exercise and wanted to give me frozen nuggets and chips. I has been saying to him every day in the hospital about how amazing it felt to eat proper food again after the HG and much I loved broccoli and just is wanted to eat lots of nourishing foods. He also only had fun times looking after the baby, kept saying how much he hated changing nappies etc. and would make passive aggressive comments to the baby if he asked him to change a nappy occasionally ("Your Mummy thinks I should be changing your nappy for some reason").
- I said to DH that I needed some "me time" after a while, especially as he had 3 hours each day since the baby was born to go exercise. He also had lots of time when he couldn't help with the baby because he was always drinking tea/coffee or alcohol (I don't do either). He said that he could take our DS for a bit "if you want to go exercise". I couldn't exercise for 6 weeks after the EMCS. I said I just wanted some time by myself to relax and he said I should do it whilst looking after the baby. This argument continued on and off and he said that he could watch the baby whilst exercising which there's no way in hell would work and he would know that if he ever looked after the baby.
- We haven't had sex since the baby was born and have only been intimate in other ways twice. We're both tired and I know I've put on weight but I feel like we are drifting apart.
There's more but this is already turning into an essay. I just don't know what to do. He's supposed to be looking after DS when I go back to work and I'm worried about him still trying to fit all this stupid exercise in and not looking after him properly. I don't feel valued. I feel like the cash cow who goes out and works so he can do what he likes. He's been better recently looking after our son more but I'm so angry and disappointed I don't know what to do.