So a recent post came from here across my desk this morning while reading the news and it seemed all too timely, which prompted me to write my own post.
I've been married for 4 years but my husband have known each other for over 15 years. We have two kids, the youngest being 5 months. During the last trimester of my most recent pregnancy I began to suspect he was having an affair with a co-worker. All his tell tale signs were there - which I knew because I had seen them many times over our years of on/off dating. The 'staying late at work' excuses, the 'she's going through a rough time' & 'I feel responsible for her' statements which I'd heard countless times before. Plus the intimacy in our relationship had completely disappeared, actually everything in our relationship had disappeared. He even forgot my birthday. Like actually forgot it. He only realised when he checked his phone to see what the weather was going to be like and saw the date - yep, it had gotten that bad. I thought it was to do with the pregnancy, like I wasn't attractive anymore and he just couldn't stand the site of me but when he started talking more and more about this girl from work it all started to click.
Things continued on like this and then I went into labour with our second child. On the way to the hospital, he asked me to text his boss to tell him we wouldn't be in as I was having the baby (it was 3am). As I scrolled through to find his bosses name in the phone, I found the girl from his office name - but with a cutsey nickname in there. I felt instantly sick and almost told him to just drop me off at the hospital and leave me to birth our child alone. That has stuck with me. Things seem to get a bit better after bub was born but then started to decline again.
I brought it up during an argument and he essentially said I was crazy but never denied - this was a form of confirmation for me. Last night when he picked me up from work, she was on the phone to him crying about a work issue. Hearing how they spoke with each other made me fill sick and violent at the same time. So, while he was in the shower, I did the one thing I swore I would never do - I looked through his work phone and my suspicions were confirmed. Multiple phone calls daily, which could very well have been work related but the kissing smiley face emoji in texts definitely are not appropriate to send to people who are only work colleagues.
So now I'm in a position where I know he's had an affair, whether it was emotional or physical, it doesn't matter to me, the trust is gone, but I've gained the info by dishonest means, which I hate but I'd rather know than not. He was in a really bad mood this morning so I also suspect he knows I know.
Where do I go from here? There's part of my that just wants to pack it all in and walk away (he dug his hole, he can lie in it) but I've also got two small children to consider in all this.