What the fuck?

[Bobcat249]

Long story short. DP and I recently moved in together however I have issues with snapping at loved ones for unjustified reasons because I’m exactly a product of my emotionally abusive dad

Anyway, DP broke up with me on Sunday. But wants to remain living together because we kind of have to. I have been a mess and he not bothered at all. He said it’s possible we could work things out in the future if I changed but for now he does not want a relationship and to be just friends. That for me isn’t really valid option. He’s (was) my partner. Not a fucking uni flatmate.

I’ve just told him that I’m finding other living arrangements at the end of the month. He asked why And I said I’m not living with the person I love if he doesn’t want a relationship anymore. ANd he just carried on playing his game!

I’m half between throttling him and going to absolute pieces.

Be careful. You say yourself you snap. Now is a time you might do so, right? And you've driven off the man you love??

Yes leave. No dont expect him to be warm or receptive to you. Work on yourself and see if you cant reconnect, but you cant expect him to stay if you are continually snappy, hurting him.

Honestly OP, I feel
So deeply for you, but I have had to walk away from someone I loved because their treatment of me made me feel worthless. You need to work on how you treat others. Counselling perhaps?

I’d be wary. You could end up being the friend with benefits and the cleaner, and the cook and his PA all the while he’s a free agent. I’d recommend you find somewhere new asap.

Move out
Get therapy
Get some more therapy

How long do you plan to blame your Dad for the way you choose to treat other people?

What’s your dad got to do with it?

How long do you plan to blame your Dad for the way you choose to treat other people?

This

Move out
Get therapy
Get some more therapy

And this.

You are not ready for a relationship while you're still carrying around the baggage from your past. You don't get to use it as an excuse for your behaviour and thankfully your now ex has the emotional maturity not to put up with it.

Good luck.

You need to get counselling or therapy to sort out your bad temper, otherwise you're going to find this happening time after time.

I have issues with snapping at loved ones for unjustified reasons because I’m exactly a product of my emotionally abusive dad
What? That's a great excuse for being obnoxious, you're an adult you choose how to behave, move out let the poor guy move on.

OP, this will not end well...

All I see is that you make excuses for your abusive behaviour.

It's perhaps time,that you should really think about your snappy behaviour towards loved ones, there is only so much people can take with that kind of attitude.

You cannot keep thinking about your Fathers behaviour forever,its all in the past now. Its just you and your partner now, the person who you say that you love !

Op even your post sounds quite aggressive imo. And I also think it's time you stoped blaming others and actually got help for your problems. Yes your dad messed you up but YOU need to fix it.

I have issues with snapping at loved ones for unjustified reasons because I’m exactly a product of my emotionally abusive dad.

Sounds like you're turning being emotionally abusive into some sort of family tradition.

You're an adult. You don't get to blame your bad temper on other people. Or at least you can, but you'll struggle to make happy, durable relationships.

Yes, move out. Do some soul searching, maybe buy a relevant book or two. And get yourself some therapy while you're about it.

He carried on playing a game while having this conversation? He is "not bothered at all" even though the OP "has been a mess".

That is horrible, as is not understanding why the OP might not want to live with someone who had just broken up with her.

However difficult the OP has been, the boyfriend sounds very insensitive, and the situation sounds untenable. I am sorry, OP.

The whole relationship sounds toxic. End it and as above get therapy

Abusive behaviour generally has a reason behind it so it could well be learned from her dad. Of course that in no way absolves any adult from their own personal responsibility to not abuse others.

OP - get the help you need to sort yourself out. You obviously have insight so I imagine there is a lot you can do to put things right (in yourself that is, this relationship is done). Don't embark on any new relationships until you have worked this though and have established good coping strategies for your anger.

Why do you "kind of have to" remain living together? It sounds like you are both quite immature,don't communicate very well and have reached stalemate and, seeing as though you agree that you're the one with the problem,you're the one who needs to make the changes. Seek counselling for your anger issues-for yourself as much as for your partner-and move out and maybe just try going back to dating for now to take the pressure off you both. Good luck.