I have to leave

[Gottogothistime]

Name changed for this but I really need help and no judgement.

Been married for 9 years, no kids. I just don't love or fancy my husband any more. We have a lovely house & dogs & externally, everything is fab but it's just not there anymore.

I've had gynae problems do not been able to have PIV sex for a couple of years which he hates hates hates.

He says if I don't want him anymore, he should just go. I just don't know how to though. He says he loves me as much as ever but I'm hurting him by not wanting him.

How do I actually do this? Financially I'm ok and can easily sort myself out but how do I actually break his heart?

And how do you tell parents and friends? I just feel like I've let everyone down.

It's making me so low and sad I feel like I can't even get out of bed.

Sorry you feel like this OP. Personally I found making the decision to split was the hardest...once I'd got that out the way the rest was relatively easy.

If you don't love your partner though surely he (and you) deserve the chance to find someone they can love?

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

36. He’s 52 and I’m his second wife. I just cry each time I think about the words I’ll use but I can’t stay with him because of that. My mother was an alcoholic so I struggle with emotions and conflict. Always have.

Thank you for responding

I’m so sorry you feel so worried, you’re obviously a lovely woman.

It’s kinder to end it if your mind is made up. Yes it will be painful for him, but in time he will be happy again and it’s not any kinder to stay with him just because you fear hurting him. Good luck and be kind to yourself x

He very clearly wants you to end it. So that he doesn't feel like the bad guy.

You are a nice person and you don't want to hurt him. I get it. But this time you need to.

It would be kindernon you both to end it. You don't love or fancy him anymore, he knows and is hurt by it. You'll both be happier apart it's just hard to make the transition.
Next time he says if you don't love him he should go try to agree or at the very least don't disagree. Trust me once it's out there it gets easier. Good luc

Don't stay with him if you feel like that, especially as you have no kids. He's too old for you as well so you're better off finding someone closer to your age

Thank you for all your replies. I feel like my parents will be so disappointed, my mum will especially take the opportunity to be nasty and drink more.

It's not about your parents.
This is YOUR life.
Don't live it trying to please other people.
You have to honest. With everyone.
Just do it.
Like ripping off that plaster!
At 36 you are young and can easily start again.
The sooner you do this the sooner everyone can move on.
Ignore what your mum says.
You can do this!

I'm in a scarily similar situation @Gottogothistime

I thought I had made my mind up to leave a 10 year relationship that simply does not make me happy - but the thought of the pain I am going to cause my DP is tearing me apart. But what is the alternative? The guilt and fear is eating me up and I cannot bear it :(

My DP is basically perfect on paper. But, on paper and how I feel is just not matching up. I've been in therapy to try and work out what is going on here - my therapist asked me "what's the worst that will happen?" - I said "Seeing my DP destroyed and ruining his life". My therapist asked me "What's the worst that can happen to you?" - I replied "Seeing my DP destroyed and ruining his life". God this is hard!

@Musti

Who are you to say he’s too old for her??? 🙄

@cheddarmonster so hard. I cried all the way to work today yet I'm dreading going home this evening.

I think as a pp said, next time he brings it up I need to seize the opportunity and tell him that neither of us are happy so perhaps we should separate. I need to set this plan in my mind. Usually I just go quiet and let him get on with it. But...

I'm in the same place. But I cannot act on anything until at least next week (due to weekend commitments), which makes it harder - I feel like a traitor. But I am slowly building up the courage to do this, I think. All the best to you, I hope you find peace & happiness.