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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

No sex for...years?! Getting back into the swing

2 replies

JuneTheHandmaid · 14/05/2019 17:26

I'm rather embarassed to admit that myself and DP have not had sex for 3 years. Its quite the elephant in the room. We are both female.

The first 2 years we were always doing it, then once a week, then once a month and then nothing. We are quite intimate in other ways, have a great relationship otherwise but we know we need to address the issue and get back into it.

Neither of us mentioned the lack of sex until a weekend away last week and my DP admitted that she is very low on self esteem having put on a lot of weight. She has since started losing it and feels we need to just get back on the horse.

We are going away this weekend but I am feeling really nervous about it, is this even normal?! It is the whole initiating it. It's been so long that it now feels a little strange.

Maybe we are more like friends now and that's a bad sign? Help me make sense of why I feel like this!

I think both of us are too nervous to initiate it and now its ruining my excitement for our weekend away because I am feeling the pressure.

OP posts:
AnastasiaBeverleyHills · 14/05/2019 17:45

Maybe treat it like a date, from when you first got together. Get dressed up, even meet separately at a bar or restaurant and take it from there. If you are feeling really nervous maybe start slowly. Explore each other again.....just enjoy being together :-)

Jacqattacq · 14/05/2019 20:10

Do you still fancy her? Does she still fancy you? Do you have a sex drive - e.g. do you masturbate? And when you do so do you think of her or other people or something else? If you ask yourself those questions the answers that you give should help you to understand why you haven’t had sex for so long and if it’s possible to get it back again.

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