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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

jeremy Kyle and lessons

30 replies

user1479305498 · 14/05/2019 12:00

I couldn't let the tragic incident related to the Jeremy Kyle show pass without making a comment that I think needs to be made on here. We really don't want Mumsnet linked with an incident like this, so I think its important really not to treat peoples problems big and small as salacious tittle tattle, purely for entertainment. Some comments are often just plain mean or goading and quite often people virtually 'demand' intimate details or frequent updates. I think everyone who values this forum should reflect on this tragic episode and try and be a bit kinder, even if you disagree with someone 'staying with their husband' or 'acting like a doormat' etc. There are kind ways to express an opinion and unkind ways, and given that many people coming on here are at vulnerable points in life, a bit of kind comment and support /practical advice sometimes is the best way to go, rather than making the person feel shitter than they already do. Rant over!

OP posts:

PicsInRed · 14/05/2019 12:02

I think the main lesson related to mumsnet is that the national papers shouldn't extract personal situations - posted anonymously, asking for advice - for entertainment, as it "outs" the person and potentially ruins their life.

birdsdestiny · 14/05/2019 12:06

It's not a valid comparison.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/05/2019 12:08

What?

Justbreathing · 14/05/2019 13:42

Ok then!

NameChangeNugget · 14/05/2019 15:16

Absolutely nothing like Jeremy Kyle.

MissMary0fSweden · 14/05/2019 15:19

This is an anonymous chat forum

BumbleBeee69 · 14/05/2019 15:24

It's not a valid comparison

Absolutely nothing like Jeremy Kyle

This is an anonymous chat forum

agreed with all of the above

Nyctophilia · 14/05/2019 15:26

It may be anonymous but there's still someone behind the screen, people would do well to remember that bitter nasty comments can have a lasting effect on someone who may be suffering

StickOfRhubarb · 14/05/2019 15:26

I agree with you about the asking for updates. Or pressing for people to take action. ‘Have you spoken to him yet OP?’ It’s not a soap opera.

Nyctophilia · 14/05/2019 15:29

How do you know that your comment wont be the final straw for someone posting with mental health problems? How would it feel knowing your comment pushed someone over the edge into harming themselves?
I've seen great support on here but also some downright vile bullying behaviour
A distinct lack of thought and empathy sometimes

BumbleBeee69 · 14/05/2019 15:34

Appearing on a national television program to discuss your problems, is very different to coming onto an anonymous forum.

Raindropsonroses27 · 14/05/2019 15:37

It might not be a great comparison but there are definitely a few Jeremy Kyles on this forum who jump on vulnerable people with OTT criticism and overly harsh views.

I don't think the notion of us all being a bit kinder even when you don't agree with someone else is a bad one.

Original poster

user1479305498 · 14/05/2019 16:54

I do agree that it isn't the same thing and its anonymous and I didn't say it was the same thing either, but I totally stand by my basic premis that there are indeed some people who do actually treat someones shit going down as a soap opera, ask for constant updates and little details and can be very unkind when someone doesn't wish to take 'their' particular advice'. All I will say is that vulnerable and deeply upset people can be tipped into a worse place when faced with some pretty unkind comments and you don't know how mentally tough someone is just from their 'words'and that's all we have on Mumsnet to go on words. . I know not everyone will agree with me, but ironically it is Mental Health week and its something I felt I wanted to say after reading about the guy killing himself after recording that show.

OP posts:

ShatnersWig · 14/05/2019 17:44

I hate the Jeremy Kyle Show.

BUT we don't yet know that this poor man's suicide WAS as a direct result of him appearing on the programme.

He was suffering with depression but his own doctor gave him a letter stating he was fine. Has anyone called for his GP to be investigated? Of course not.

Did you know there was a warrant out for his arrest for failing to appear in court in February relating to unpaid fines of over £4,000? How do we know it wasn't related to this, just as much as him apparently failing a lie detector test that indicated he'd been cheating on his girlfriend? He was apparently determined to go on the show.

I want the show axed, no question. But I think people should wait for more facts to come out before necessarily placing full blame on the show.

Mnetter19831983 · 15/05/2019 07:25

I agree with others above. First off its a public day time television show and he knew perfectly what he was doing going on there for lie detector results. Secondly how do we know that this show did or did not ultimately contribute to his death? Perhaps he had other issues going on and the stress of going on Jeremy kyle didn't help.. or maybe it had nothing to do with jeremy Kyle at all. We live in a snowflake society where it is easy to always put blame on to someone else nowadays. Look at Mike T off of Love Island. He seemed perfectly happy on the show, he agreed and decided to go on there obviously thinking he was fit to do so at the time and he wanted to do it off his own free will in 2017. Yet 2 years later LI gets a contributing blame for his death. But his appearance was 2 years ago?? Maybe he was in a better frame of mind then and people around him said themselves he wasnt in a great place his work dried up after Love Island and he was struggling after the death of a grandparent.

We live in a blame culture nowadays which is why our country is so PC. There is always someone else to blame whereas 15 or more years ago we weren't like this. Where there's a blame there's a claim. I just want to add before I get angry comments that this man's death is very tragic and I am no supporter of Jeremy Kyle. But for some of you to say that he is rude to people who cheat and sit around on their backsides all day contributing nothing to their children is only what some of you hypocrites on here moan about people in society doing. There have been just as much bullying going on these forums but that is okay and gets swept under the carpet. Because Jeremy Kyle is well known, it's okay to pinpoint at him and blame him. There have been people posting on here who clearly have mental health issues but people laugh at their posts or are very rude to them. Where's the difference? I just feel like this country is a country where we are scared to say or do anything anymore for fear of being blamed or accused of something. Everyday when I do have a spare minute to watch crappy daytime tele the amount of times I've seen presenters quickly say 'well we can't confirm or deny that we aren't allowed to make comment or we could get into legal trouble'. It's a sad world.

Windmillwhirl · 15/05/2019 07:56

From what I've read this man had a difficult life, was out of contact with family, two failed marriages and had just lost his partner because she believed he had cheated. He also suffered depression. Blaming the show is not right. He said he couldn't live without his partner and that is why he was taking his life. I don't think he could have been any clearer.

At 63, he may have felt his partner was his last chance at love and he couldn't bare another painful breakup when he was already depressed.

Raindropsonroses27 · 15/05/2019 08:19

The show definitely did not help his position though did it? The public humiliation and trauma of it could well have been the final straw for him - the timing would certainly suggest so.

Yes there is the argument that people choose to go on the show but the point is that many of them simply don't understand the consequences of it. Of course there'll always be some who just want fame and don't give a shit about it but you only have to watch the show to see many of the guests are vulnerable

Windmillwhirl · 15/05/2019 08:36

I'm sure it didn't help, but he still chose to go on knowing how the show plays out

Raindropsonroses27 · 15/05/2019 09:02

@Windmillwhirl you're massively missing the point. It's only a choice when you understand the implications of what might happen. Would he have gone on knowing it would make his life much worse and lead to suicide?

Not to mention the lie detector results could have been wrong. They are inaccurate at best hence why not used in law. But it's ok for Jeremy Kyle to use them for entertainment and wreck peoples lives in the process? I've watched (and enjoyed) this show over the years but this whole thing has totally changed my perception of it.

Windmillwhirl · 15/05/2019 09:06

I'm not missing the point. I have seen the show on occasion and know what happens when someone fails the test.

This is a tragedy but in no way can the show be fully to blame. I'm not saying his decision to go on didn't contribute to his spiralling depression, I'm sure it did. It sounds to me his deep sorrow was the loss of his partner. That is why he killed himself. He said he could not live without her.

ImNotNigel · 15/05/2019 09:13

It's only a choice when you understand the implications of what might happen. Would he have gone on knowing it would make his life much worse and lead to suicide?

Of course it’s a choice, none of us can tell the future. Otherwise half of MN wouldn’t have married their current husband, let alone their ex.

Most people would never have taken that first cigarette if they had known that they would be the ones who became addicted or got heart disease.

Parents whose kids are killed in a car accident might regret paying for driving lessons.

But these all are still choices.

Raindropsonroses27 · 15/05/2019 11:27

The point is the show has a duty of care and they have been exploiting people for entertainment for years. The guests are treated shockingly. Maybe this man went on expecting to pass and got a wrong result? Whose fault is it that so much emphasis is placed on a flawed result? The show allows it to happen then the gobshite Jeremy Kyle humiliates and bawls out the guest when they could be innocent!

It might not fully be down to the show but it was a contributing factor and for that reason alone it should be taken off air. You can't claim to be a show that helps people then have this outcome and expect to keep on airing.

Aussiebean · 15/05/2019 11:55

Apparently the ex girlfriend has said that the show after care had rung them numerous times since the show to talk and offer help. This was before he died.

So yes I don’t like it either, but it’s good to know that they didn’t just leave them at the stage door.

Windmillwhirl · 15/05/2019 14:22

But these all are still choices.

Exactly.

This was a depressed and desperate man. He stated he couldn't live without his partner and she was not going to take him back. That is why he took his life. Not her fault, not the show's fault.

Raindropsonroses27 · 15/05/2019 16:09

So you think the show should continue??

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