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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

His bromance...

12 replies

InGoodCompany · 14/05/2019 07:52

My OH met a friend on his hol a couple years of years ago, before we got together. Sounds a lovely chap. They send each other WhatsApps, little clips of where chap comes from (think Caribbean) and it’s really sweet. Chap is visiting in a few days & staying with OH.

I am really, really not jealous. I’m happy OH has this friend, he’s giving him advice about property stuff & business. OH has no family and this chap is going through a messy divorce so they have been very brotherly,

Why do I feel blown out, suddenly, by his friend’s visit? Friend arrives Thurs, on Fri they are going to see something for sale (imagine like property) in Greece. Back next week.

OH asked if they can stay at my house 1 night on their return, so I can meet guy, and then they are off to OH’s other house abroad where I am welcome (and really, it is welcome!) to join them. It’s a good 10 hours away.

OH doesn’t know how long chap friend is staying. They will stay at OH’s house thereafter.

I work for myself & have to be here 1 day a week. I also see my DCs every other week.

I feel a bit disappointed. Am I just being picked up & put down when it suits him, or is it that he is comfortable enough in our relationship to be this way?

We’ve been together a year & he is otherwise very affectionate, saying how much in love he is with me, how his love for me grows, etc.

I prob need to talk to him but I can’t work out if I’m being irrational or not, and if so, what a decent compromise is...

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 14/05/2019 08:00

What's the problem? He's seeing you and you can meet the friend plus he's invited you to go to his house after

Northernparent68 · 14/05/2019 08:02

I’m sorry but I’m not sure I understand this. If the issue is your partner is going away for a few days, why is that a problem ? You re not joined at the hip and you too have your own life.

InGoodCompany · 14/05/2019 10:16

Thank you both for perspective. I can see now that it’s ok. I have been included in the plan & you’re right, we are not joined at the hip! He has been able to talk his plans through a bit more so I can see when he will be back, if I don’t join them later - I think it was the perception of feeling obliged to go...

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 14/05/2019 10:38

I don't think I am the only one who finds your opening post hard to follow - sorry!

Could you clarify when he is going to be away and where and when you are invited?

Maybe because it all seems a bit more open ended and you don't know when life will go back to normal, it seems harder to deal with?

NameChangeNugget · 14/05/2019 14:23

Do you want to be in a Velcro relationship?

He’s not done anything wrong

CaptainCabinets · 14/05/2019 14:26

What’s the problem here, sorry? You say you’re not jealous so what’s the issue?

SandyY2K · 14/05/2019 17:38

I can't see the problem here. I think it's good he's made a friend.

pictish · 14/05/2019 17:43

You’re feeling pushed outbecause he is having a friend stay at his for a few days?
Please don’t. He isn’t doing anything wrong.

fc301 · 14/05/2019 17:48

Hmm I must be getting old & cynical but I'm thinking your gut instinct is along the lines of mine ie who the hell is this guy?!

It sounds like your OH is wealthy (multiple properties). I'd be worried about some sort of scam disguised as 'property opportunities'...

Aquamarine1029 · 14/05/2019 17:57

Him spending time with a friend shouldn't be a problem, but I'm with @fc301. Something smells very weird about this.

fc301 · 14/05/2019 18:06

🤜🤛

InGoodCompany · 14/05/2019 18:39

Thank you for other replies. You've hit the nail on the head. I was feeling a bit pushed out, mainly at the lack of any timing to their stay in OH's house abroad. It wasn't clear to me if OH was staying on there alone, or if he would come back here. I felt a bit pressed to go visit. OH has given a rough time frame, so I feel more comfortable. It means I can also make my plans, as I was constrained by his vagueness before.

We had a great chat this morning and things are clearer. I don't think the friend is a scam (this was initially my thought, too!) as they've been pals back and forth chatting for a bit. I'm really very pleased he has found someone with whom he gets on so well. The other guy is also in property business similar to OH.

You are all correct: there is no issue and no problem. We do have bouts where we are in a "velcro relationship", yes, namely because we work together, play together - we were friends for decades before we became lovers, and we've kind of become each other's family. It's an unusual scenario, but there are also episodes where we give each other space.

Ok. I am happy! Smile

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