Hello all
I am reaching out to discover how many other girls are in a similar position to me - lack of libido
I've always been this way, never really craved it. Done it, and enjoyed it but could easily not have sex. I have also never had an orgasm.
I sometimes think it was my introduction to sex. Early discovery of porn (11ish) and watching videos and masturbating at 12/13 programmed my sexual response in a particular way.
My first sexual experience, at 19, was with a guy who didn't care about me, but fancied me and I found his body attractive. I used to maybe be interested in sex 1-2 times a week at that stage.I think it was more excitement and attention than the sex.
I've had a lot of partners for experimentation purpose. But dating wise, I always struggled with men's desire for me and felt objectified. Mostly as I know they wanted to "test drive" me and I wouldn't get anything out of it.
My current partner is the only serious relationship I have had and I love him. I told him I had low libido and he told me he can also take or leave, I thought "Perfect!". However, this isn't the case, he is actually very sexual when in a relationship but could take or leave if not in one.
Our relationship isn't hot, its not exciting. It's happy, peace, safe, comfort, easy. I see him as my companion. He would love hot sex with me, daily, and he quietly accepts 1-2 times a week whilst not living together. If its been a fortnight he complains, and rightly so I suppose. I could go without no problem.
I definitely have sex for him. I don't dislike it, its loving, pleasurable to a degree and I feel close to him. However, I am not sure how much I will struggle doing it more often when we live together.
He's also become a lot less attentive. He used to give a lot of oral and try help me to orgasm and now he does it maybe once every ten times. He has commented on how dry I've been and I've said the lack of foreplay and not been ready. I think he is expecting me to be like his exes. I don't ask for oral as I rarely do it to him. He's uncut so I can smell or taste the urine from going to the toilet so only do it if straight after a shower or after being in the pool.
He has started to feel insecure about how attractive he is and does hint. I don't want to lie, I don't fancy him but I love him. Maybe I should lie - would it be so bad?
I also think I am enjoying sex less. I am not getting wet before hand often completely dry on the outside and a little on the inside. I am nowhere near close to orgasm from penetrative sex. He knows this and he ignores. I am also somewhat close via oral but I tend to lay there and everything but sexy thoughts comes into my mind. I suspect the lack of lust has a lot to do with it. In the early stages of our sexual relationship my response to oral was crazy (he had to hold me down) compared to now where I can control it and I am barely responsive.
I don't want to end our relationship over this and want him to be happy.