Would I be out of order...

[melting]

I'm thinking of asking my partner (who stays here on a weekend) to start getting a wash before he comes to bed when he's here.

At the moment he only washes and brushes teeth in a morning and does nothing before going to bed, I have this thing about other peoples germs and it grates on me to see him getting into my clean bed without washing first, especially when I see him wiping his eyes on the pillow cases etc.

When he leaves I have to put clean sheets and duvet cover on the bed.

I know it probably sounds really petty but its driving me mad, would I be out of order to mention it to him? Should a person be expected to wash twice a day?

so, what do you reckon got you and me in this state?

Don't recall my mother being germ/bodily fluid freak with me...

I woudl like to address this as a phobia/OCD but probably never will so my recommendation for you and me both would be 'be honest' because I reckon it is pretty hurtful if your partner hasn't cottoned on to the fact that this isn't really about him as such.

I agree, ocd runs in our family but with the others (my mum and most of her brothers and sisters) its house work that they're obsessive with...my aunt is obssessive about personal hygiene however.

I will talk to him at weekend but he wont take it seriously and will more than likely do something disgusting that will wind me up on purpose.

You know what else drives me nuts? when people clean the "tea ring" off a cup with their fingers before making me a cup of tea in said cup!

OMG You two sound like me; but, melting, I HAVE to agree with moondog: this bloke sounds like such a catch!

I am obsessed by cleanliness. I make sure he brushes teeth and at least washes/deodorises before bed. Bed sheets are fine and we end up swapping pillows sometimes and all that. I hate the thought of his pubic hair all over the bed sheets and towels, but I can live with washing them once a week - it would drive me mad to do it every day. As for the dribble of wee: that makes me want to vomit. I am always thinking about that and not only when we have sex; it's when it drips onto the sheets or something. I also hate it when he gets food stuck in his teeth, but he doesn't have the same level of self-awareness and doesn't check, so sometimes he will have bits in them and it looks gross! AND he's a master craftsman which means jeans, tshirt and steel toed boots for work; we also have horses. I sometimes have to remind him he's worn the same work clothes every day for a few days; although he does shower, they will obviously start to smell, and he doesn't always change in the evenings unless we go out somewhere. Oh ugh. It's little things like this that put me off sex with him!

Dirty Bugger! I hope you send him to wash his nob before sex

I have to say I am PMSL at the thought of all these poor sods caught in the moment, and then we stop them mid-flow to tell them to get their arses to the bathroom to wash their knobs. lol.

Hmm, well it sounds like one or two peole are maybe edging a bit too close to OCD territory BUT someone who comes to bed without washing off the exertions of the day and then wants sex - and farts and burps as well.

I mean.

Barf!

OK could you maybe try the twee Relationship Advice approach of getting him to join you in the shower for a nice hot rubdown and a game of hunt-the-loofah?

You know I can't even face the thought of touching his pillow when he's used it never mind actually swapping it.

He still gets offended that I won't share cups, cans and straws etc.

I remember one time we were going out to the cinema and so popped into McDonalds for a bite to eat before hand. I can't manage much fizzy drinks so I said if he got one I'd get my own straw and have a few sips of his drink...he was fine with this.

I put my straw in the drink, pointed out to him that mine was the blue one and we got talking...he then went to have a drink and put both straws into his bloody gob!! I was fuming, he didnt do it to annoy me either, he just doesnt think. I ended up going without a drink and just buying a bottle of water at the cinema!

um... if you find him so repellent why are you sharing a bed with him in the first place?

You don't sound as if you like him very much ...

You have to tell him, if it offends you so badly. He's already noticed that you avoid him; it's not exactly going to be news, is it.

Get him to make an appointment with the dentist to have his bad tooth sorted out as well.

Surely there's nowt wrong with a bit of honest sweat after a good old session! Do your DHs not mind you jumping out of bed to shower all traces of them off you??! What happened to falling asleep in each other's arms!

But, to the point, I defintely require DH to wash/brush his teeth before he gets into bed even if there's no action between the sheets that night!

I don't mind him sweating on me in the heat of the moment, but darned if I'm going to have intimate contact with any parter of him with the day's grime and sweat all over him!!

I am a little bit like this, as is my husband. shower together first.

I don't DO sharing straws, cups, cans etc. I only end up swapping pillows unintentionally, but I mean it doesn't affect me enough to worry about it once I have woken up and realise I have his and my pillows! I don't like long sloppy kisses!