Did you continue to see your ex after breaking up?

[Wadingthroughshit]

Two year relationship, very intense, at times abusive and manipulative. Broke up a year ago. I got very very good and supportive advice from here at the time.

I have come a long way, I no longer feel I am in love with him, although I feel I love him for what he's done for me, I feel a better person coming out of the relationship. I feel more content and my h happier to be around family and friends and my children and alone. During the year we have been in contact on and off, usually more intensely if I've been on a date. No relationship since we broke up.

Now, contact has increased. He's texting lovely things, phoning, and wants to take me away this weekend. I have agreed, but I feel stressed , something doesn't feel right, I don't know what it is. I don't want to lose him, but I think I only want to be his friend. I can't seem to get words out, I feel on edge,but I don't want to let him down.
I'm an idiot. I don't know what's going on. Also I overthink.

very intense, at times abusive and manipulative.
Why would you think he's changed?

He's texting lovely things, phoning, and wants to take me away this weekend. I have agreed, but I feel stressed , something doesn't feel right,
In this and future relationships listen to that gut feeling. It's usually right.

Just very upsetting hearing someone upset, and confusing when you're hearing things you would have loved to hear a year ago.
He's upset because you pulled back from his plans.

Glad you've told him and that he's blocked you. Now delete him from your phone and from all your social media. Tighten up your social media generally.

This man was messing with you. In his head he's saying he can get you back whenever and you'll be there when he wants you.

He very nearly succeeded.

Do take a look at this programme before you consider another relationship.
freedomprogramme.co.uk/

Take care of yourself OP - treat yourself gently. 🌹

In your circumstance I’d say NC is probably the sensible way forward. I stay in touch with all of my exes (3). I spent a long time with each of them and it didn’t end badly so it made sense. I don’t see them often but we do keep in touch sporadically

He's totally playing with your head. Please block him on everything if you haven't already done so. Don't have any more contact with him; just move on with your life.

I'm really sorry, I know I'm a dick, and if no one responds I totally understand, I just can't talk to my friends about it as they will know I'm a dick so I'm just going to write it down.
I told him I didn't love him, we had this big emotional goodbye, he blocked me everywhere. The next day while I'm at work I was blocked and unblocked about four times, then he phoned and I answered, he kept saying how devastated he was and I felt horrendously guilty. That evening he wanted to meet, and I agreed. He kept telling me he loves me, wants me to be his gf, has told people that he's in love with me, that I'm great...then taking the piss out of me (in a trying to be funny way) because I'm a single mother, because I put on weight last year, because I'm on tax credits. Then says he knows I love him really. Then says he doesn't know how to act around me. It was a whole whirlwind. Then he asks to take me away again and I agreed. He says he loves me and isn't going to give up on me.
Then I told him today that I don't think I can go away with him, it's causing me anxiety, and it's too much too soon. He told me there's no expectations of me at all and it'll all just be fun. But I cant see it that way.
And now I feel shit. Who is he to come truddling in like this and rock the boat. Why the fuck do I let him. Why don't I trust my intuition in the first instance. Why can't I just stop overthinking and fun. Ahhhh!

OP, if it was right, you wouldn't feel stressed and confused. You wouldn't feel like shit.

Turbulent, intense, whirlwind, block, unblock, insults as "jokes", then lovebombing and wanting to take you away suddenly - none of these are good things.

This isn't healthy, you know that. He's been abusive and manipulative - he still is.

It's an addiction not love.

You need to listen to the anxious voice, you need to end things and stop getting back in contact with him. You can't be friends, he's no friend to you. Stop giving it air and headspace. Cut him off and go through the pain so you can come out the other side.

Thank you @Category12

You're struggling because it is hard to deal with a manipulator. He makes you doubt your intuition. He's building your confidence saying he wants to be with you /loves you, etc and then knocking it down making fun of you. He's making you doubt yourself because that benefits him.

I have recently finished with someone very similar. Making out I'm amazing, he's never felt this way about anyone, then dropping me when he has other people to do stuff with (like actually telling me on the day we're meant to be going somewhere that he's going with someone else) then telling me my reaction is ridiculous/controlling.

I finally snapped with it and told him I don't think he's capable of a relationship and luckily for me, he said he doesn't want the relationship I want where I demand he spends time with me . For me, that was it...i got confirmation that I'm never going to be treated properly. But until then I kept holding on to that bit of hope that he is really the lovely guy he is when he's being nice

The main thing you have to keep telling yourself is that he's not just that nice guy - it's a package and it's not making you happy even if the nice part of the package makes you feel good.

You might like the decoration on a cake but if the cake under the icing is manky, you wouldn't keep buying it

Thank you @helpmeltb. I'm really sorry to hear you've had such a bad time of it. Of course you want to spend time with him, you were supposed to be a couple. And going places with other people when you were meant to be going is just cruel. It sounds like you a convenient comfort to you, which of course you deserve more than. It's painful, but as category say, push through the pain to come out the other side.

My ex turned up to my house last night, the car all packed up with camping stuff, he brought me a care package as my tummy had been sore, and food, and still wanted to take me away. I'd told him no, but he came anyway. He was patient and kind, he was crying as he says he loves me so much, he tried to make me laugh, he felt genuine. We went for a drive. Came back and started kissing, and I wanted to stop, and he left. He got up, said he felt tiny and could feel the connection was gone, said he felt disgusting. I couldn't stop crying when he left, I keep replying the image of the car packed with all our stuff to go away. I feel horrendous, I'm an shaking with anxiety because I feel so guilty. I don't feel respect for myself for honouring my decision, I feel heartbroken again.